In a much-anticipated press release, this Wednesday evening, Amazon filed an 8K with the SEC, uncovering plans to “take over the world and all small businesses”, they even added a special note at the end for the DOJ, citing “we are definitely NOT a monopoly and all our practices are as small business friendly as possible”.
Jeff Bezos's Comments On Amazon's Plan To Take Over The World
We reached out to CEO Jeff Bezos for a comment, and he replied:
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“We are extremely pleased to formally announce these plans that we had been putting in motion over the last decade and are extremely optimistic about the future of our company.”
When asked why he waited till now to reveal this, he replied:
“We decided that it was finally time to formally unveil these plans as we are now rich enough to buy the DOJ if they have any problems”
Unsurprisingly, socialists (mostly members of the Democratic Party) took to Twitter in outrage over these plans, many urging the DOJ to sue Amazon.com Inc. immediately, and shut them down.
Here is a tweet coming from renowned socialist AOC who advocated that Jeff Bezos is a “pig” and “should be shut down”:
Congress Puts Stimulus On Halt To Deal With Amazon
Congress released a statement saying that they have “put all stimulus discussions on halt to deal with the more serious matter of Amazon.com Inc.”
Donald Trump said in a press conference, “I wish Jeff Bizeos and his company Acamozon well. Jeff is really a great guy”
S&P 500 futures were down over 10% and Amazon.com Inc. stock ($AMZN) was up over 900% in after hours trading, along with over 60 analysts upgrading the stock to “an immediate buy” with an average price target over $45,000 a share.
This article first appeared on The Stonk Market