Area Landlord has Public Meltdown After Tenant Rejects 30-Percent Rent Spike

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“You know… It is really just a shame,” Lawrence Krimmins, a New York based Landlord, started off in his sit down with The Stonk Market. “You think you know someone… their character and all of that… And you don’t you simply never do! It is crazy.”

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Quarrels Over The Rent Spike

These are the unhinged ramblings of a man reeling at the hands of the rift in his relationship with one of his tenants. The conflict arose after Krimmins saw the spike in the real estate market and showed up to the tenant’s door unannounced to inform him that he was raising the rent to align with the market.

Krimmins was unwavering—even when I brought up the fact that the tenant still had seven months left on the lease that they had signed at the beginning of the year.

“Lease, shmlease!” He exclaimed, “Don’t try and talk to me about a lease! I have watched the news and I know how much that property is worth. It is not fair! This property has been in my family for generations and I deserve what is rightfully mine.”

A small crowd began to surround us in the small NYC coffee shop watching this 38-year-old man baby melt down.

He reached down to take a sip of the first sip of his coffee and spit it out cartoonishly, sickened by that the drink clearly had seven pumps of vanilla and not eight. Krimmins stormed up to the counter to complain and I left the shop to get a drink and calm down.

My restraint was wavering and a litigious landlord is the last person you want to punch in the face.

This post first appeared on The Stonk Market

Disclaimer: This is a satirical article.