Texas Gov. Greg Abbott Motions to Ban Halloween, Citing its Association with Masks

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Texas Gov. Greg Abbott (R) announced he has forged a committee tasked with new ways to expand his war on masks. The announcement came just days after his decision to ban mask mandates in state schools.

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Disclaimer: This is a satirical article.

Greg Abbott Protests The Use Of Masks

The committee—or ‘special taskforce’ (how Abbott likes to refer to it) is known internally—and somehow unironically as the Freedom Fighters II and it has already started to deliver on the promise that Abbot made to the people of Texas that he and the committee would dream up ‘freedom first ideas—that will trigger the Democrats on your timeline.’

“Make no mistake about it,” Abbott touted, “Our special taskforce does not mess around—and thanks to these brave individuals, Texas’ children will not have to grow up in a world where people are asked to wear a mask!”

The first movement the Freedom Fighters II suggested was to prohibit people from celebrating Halloween, due to what they referred to as a ‘deeply troubling and undeniable mask culture.’

There was some push back from area parents, who called the Governors office in droves to complain, but Abbott—and the committee have remained steadfast that this is a necessary step to take in the battle against masks.

Next up on the docket for the powers that be?

A vote on which films, books, and other mask related content needs to be removed from circulation. Hope you weren’t looking to watch Scream or Zorro anytime soon.

This post first appeared on The Stonk Market

Disclaimer: This is a satirical article.