In a sensational tweet shot off today, local investor, Codie Sanchez, claims that her one single laundromat makes more money than the multi-billion Uber Corporation.
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Disclaimer: This is a satirical article.
Uber: Valued at $85 billion, loses $500 million per year
My Laundromat: Bought for $100k, nets $67k per year
— Codie Sanchez ? (@Codie_Sanchez) July 21, 2021
Ackman To Take Laundromat Public Through PSTH
After fact checking Codie’s statement (we are very “credible” and full of “integrity”) we can fully state that Codie is 100% correct in her analysis. Uber is in fact an $85 billion dollar corporation that loses over $500 million per year. This fact proves that Codie’s one single laundromat that she purchased for $100,000 nets more income to her than the entire Uber Corporation.
Investors rushed to sell Uber in droves after this groundbreaking news was announced. The stock is down over 69% and is currently halted. Rumors are now flying that Bill Ackman is looking to take Codie’s laundromat public through Pershing Square Tontine Holdings (“PSTH”).
This post first appeared on The Stonk Market
Disclaimer: This is a satirical article.
