John Oliver On Cryptocurrencies

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Cryptocurrencies  are generating a lot of buzz right no.  In this segment, John Oliver enlists Keegan-Michael Key to get potential investors equally excited about the concept of risk and caution in this new wild west. See the video and informal transcript below

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Technology The Thing That Willeventually Make Television So High-def Iwill No Longer Be Allowed To Appear Onit And And I Want To Approach Thissubject Carefully Because Discussions Ofany New Technology Tend To Age Verybadly As This News Report From Less Thanfive Years Ago Shows The First Users OfGoogle Glasses Surely Will Not Be ThelastI Think It’ll End Up Changing Ourlifestyles You Know Changing The Way Weinteract With Each Other And Justchanging The Gesture Instead Of This Itwill Be That Yeah It Wasn’t Though Itwas Not That Because For Some Reasonpeople Didn’t Mind Doing This With Theirhands If The Alternative Was Wearing Astupid Robot On Their Face All Day Thepoint Is It Is Dangerous To Makepredictions About Where Tech Is Going Sothat Said Tonight We’re Going To Talkabout Crypto Currencies Everything Youdon’t Understand About Moneycombined With Everything You Don’tunderstand About Computers The Maincurrency You’ve

Probably Heard About IsBitcoin It’s Been All Over The Newsbecause Last Year Its Value Explodedfrom Around $, At The Beginning Ofthe Year To , By November To Nearly, By December Bitcoin Became Such Ahot Topic That Paparazzi Started Askingcelebrities About It What Michael Keatonleaving A Restaurant Hey Would Yourecommend Buying Bitcoin You Know What’sfunny I Was Just I Got Two Different Oneguy Said Yeah You Probably Want Toanother Friend Of I Saidnot Like It’s A Bad Thing They Justdon’t Know Where It’s Gonna GoI’m Gonna Say You Do Not Expectconversations With Paparazzi To Be Sonuanced Hey Cardi B What Are

Yourthoughts On The Idea Of Universal Basicincome Well It Could Go A Long Way Toreducing Inequality But I Don’t Thinkthe American People Would Support Thetax Increase Necessary To Fund It Youcan Read All About It In My Book Cardanomic S– Making Marnie Buddhist For Anew American Century And This This Was Atraumatic Shift It Was Just A Few Yearsago You’d Only Hear About Bitcoin Fromthat One Guy In Your Office Who Wouldn’tshut Up About It Let’s Call Him Dan Andthe Reason That We’re Calling Him Dan Isthat Dan Is The Exact Guy In Our Officewho’s Been Annoying Everybody With Hisyou’ve Got To Get Into Bitcoin Foryears This Is Why We Hate Dad It’shonestly Not The Only Reason But It’sthe Easiest One To Bring Up Right Nowthe Point Is Lately More And More Normalpeople Or Non Dan’s Have Been Gettinginto Crypto Currencies Partly Becausethey May Have Seen Stories Like ThisDylan Fein Is Living The Dream Had TheirMitsubishi Eclipse My Windows Didn’twork My AC Didn’t Work Right I Had Toopen My Doors Just To Get Food At Thedrive-through Everything Changed When Hemet A Friend Who Introduced Him ToBitcoinI Turned dollars Into , Hebecame A Millionaire At all Byinvesting In Bitcoin I Can Literally Putin A Trade Wait

A Few Hours Let Theexchange Rate Fluctuate And I’m Actuallyable To Profit From The World’s Largestfinancial Market In The World Yes Thatman Is Apparently A Millionaire Nowwhich Is Presumably Why He’s Beinginterviewed On The Most Expensiveoutdoor Swamp Log In South Florida Anddespite The Fact That Bitcoin Hasdropped By Nearly Half Since The Startof This Year There Is Still Acryptocurrency Fervour Going On Withpeople Watching People Like That Guy Getrich Or Hearing About Others On Redditor Twitter And Feeling Driven To Investin Crypto Due To FOMO Or Fear Of Missingout Now FOMO Is A Term That Many Of Youprobably Already Knew About But I’m Years Old British And Oblivious Or TheoBOE So So With All This Excitement Andcuriosity We Thought We’d Try Andexplain A Few Things Tonight Bitcoinblockchain The Technology That Allows Itto Existcrypto Currencies In General And I’mgoing To Be Simplify Things A Lot Hereso Let’s Start With Bitcoin Which Is Adigital Decentralized Currency Thatbasically Means Bitcoin Only Exists Ascomputer Code And There Is No Bank Orgovernment Creating Or Controlling It Iknow That This Is Already A Little Hardto Understand So I’ll Let This Man In ABitcoin Suit Give You A Surprisinglydecent Explanation I’m A

Virtualcurrency Worldwide You Can Send Forlittle To No Fees Open Source Notcontrolled By Any Government Corporationor Individual Financial Freedom Brothanks Bro That Is A Nuanced Andaccurate Explanation Of A Complex Topicdelivered With The Help Of A Man In Astupid Costume And I Would Love To Makefun Of That Except It’s Literally Theentire Business Model Of Thistelevision Show I Know You You May Atthis Point Be Thinking But Wait How Doyou Make Money From Bitcoin To Which Danwould Say He Just Traded On Exchangeslike Any Other Currency And If You Thenasked Well How Does It Have Value Danwould Reply How Does Any Money Havevalue Man And Then He’d Say Call Me Thebrain For Later Because I Just Blew Yourmind To Which You’d Say Forget Iasked Dan You’re Absolutely Gross I Hateyou But The Problem Is Dan Is Kind Ofrightlike Most Currencies The Fundamentalreason The Bitcoin Has Value Is Becausepeople Agree That It Has Value In Factat The Moment It’s Really Being Treatedmore Like A Speculative Investment Thana Currency Think Of It Like Beaniebabies Why Is This Beanie Baby Currentlybeing Offered For Sale On Etsy At Aprice Of $, Well Because Its Ownerthinks That Someone Will Pay That For Itand You Know What That Owner Wasabsolutely Right I’m Kidding I’m KiddingI’m Kidding I Just Bought This At A Yardsale For Ten Thousand Dollars I’m Not Acomplete Idiotlook What Well A Bitcoin Is Veryinteresting As A Concept There Are Stillsome Complicated Technical Issues Towork Out Before It Can Become A Useableeveryday Currency Just Look Whathappened

In Januaryhundreds Are In Miami This Week For ABitcoin Conference But It Had To Stoptaking Bitcoin As A Paymenttickets Last Week Suggesting There Arestill Some Kinks To Work Out With Thecurrency It’s True A Bitcoin Conferencestopped Taking Bitcoin Which Is A Redflag Since That’s The One Place You’dthink It Would Be Accepted It’s Likewhen I Tried To Pay For Access To TheRepublican National Convention UsingRonald Reagan’s Dusty Skeleton Boatseveryone There Agreed They Had Valuethere Just Wasn’t An Adequate Network Inplace For The Completion Of Ourtransaction But Where The Bitcoincatches On Or Not Many People Believethat The Really Exciting Thing About Itis The Potential Of The Innovativetechnology That It’s Built On And That’ssomething Called Blockchain Now Normallyif I Wanted To Send Money To Someoneacross The World A Bank Would Need Toverify That Transaction And It Couldtake Days But With Bitcoin It Is Vastlyfaster Because No Bank Is Involved Andthat Is Because Blockchain Technologyallows A Record Or A Ledger Of EveryBitcoin Transaction Ever Made To Bestored Not In One Place But Across Vastnumbers Of Computers That Is Part Ofwhat People Mean When They Say Bitcoinis Decentralized And Decentralizationhas A Lot Of Theoretical Advantages Fromspeed To Security The Key Point Here Isthat This Is A Distributed Ledger Thereis No Central Server All The Otherlegends That We Have All BankingLedger’s All Company’ll Edges They Allsit And Reside Inside That Company Whichmeans They Have One Point Of Attack Theycan Be Hacked

JP Morgan Was Was Hackedby Cyber Thief’s Not So Long AgoHome Depot Target We’ve Had All Thesecompanies Get Hacked It’s Actuallybecause There’s One Central Repositoryof Information The Bitcoin Ledgerresides On Thousands Of Computers Youcan’t Hack That When You Think About Itthat Sounds Great And Because Of Thecomplicated Process The Network Uses Toverify Records It Is Very Secure Nowrelax I’m Not Going To Get Into Whatthat Process Is Or How It Works But Iwill Share A Really Helpful Really Dumbmetaphor For Why It Is Safe The Way Ilike To Think Of It Is That A Blockchainis A Highly Processed Thing Sort Of Likea Chicken McNugget And If You Wanted Tohack It It’d Be Like Turning A ChickenMcNugget Back Inwith Chickens Now Someday Someone Willbe Able To Do That But For Now It’sgoing To Be Tough Hold On That Is Anabsolutely Horrible Thought So Why Isthat Reporter So Happy About The Ideabecause If Anyone Ever Figures Out Howto Turn A Chicken McNugget Back Into Achicken That Chicken Is Going To Beup He’s Going To Spend The Restof His Life Suffering From PTSD Andwriting Haunting Poetry About Theexperience The Things I Sawbuck-buck-buck Or My Body Is Whole Butwhat Of My Soul So Very Basically Thatis The Blockchain A Database That Isnearly Impossible To Hack Or Tamper Withand Which Could Possibly Improvesecurity Efficiency And Trust That Iswhy Big Companies Like Walmart IBM AndJP Morgan Haven’t Been Experimentingwith Blockchain As A Way To Potentiallyshare And Secure Data Trend Andtranslation Transactions In A Reliableeasy To

Access Way But It Is Still Veryearly No One Yet Knows What Blockchainis Really Capable Of Honestly Don’tworry If You Still Don’t Understand Itmost People Don’t Dan Thinks He Does Andsure He’ll Throw Around Terms Likesupply Chain Management And It Makes Mewant To Punch Him In His Facestop Leaving Printouts Of Reddit Threadson My Desk Dan You Know I’m Justthrowing Them Away I Am You The Problemis There Is No Enough Excitement Aroundthe Very Word Blockchain That Has Becomea Magnet For Investment Reuters Foundthat Existing Companies That Merelyadded The Word Blockchain To Their Namesaw Their Stock Price On Averageincrease More Than Three Folds And Oneof Them Was Particularly Dumb LongIsland Iced Tea Renamed Themselves Longblockchain And Guess What Happens Yeahtheir Stock TripledWow I’m Just Gonna Say It To People Whowatch Markets This Seems So Stupid It’snot Even Worth Reporting Yeah Well Idon’t Care How Stupid It Is It Clearlyworks That Is Why From Now On This Showwill Be Called Last Bit Tonight Withblockchain Even Triple The Ratingstriple Take That Tooso So Now At This Point You Knowbasically What Bitcoin Is It’s Thefuture Bro And Why People Are Excitedabout Blockchain It Won’t Let Peoplechicken Up Your Nugs But

You Might Stillbe Wondering Well What About All Theother Cryptocurrencies That I’ve Heardabout Okay Well The Key Software Tocreate A Coin Is Open Source Meaningthat Just About Anyone Can Create One Sothey Have Done That There Are Now Over Cryptocurrencies That You Can Buywith Names Like Tits Coin Trump Coinjesus Coin Insane Coin Electro Neum Waxparticle Deep Onion Snow Vo Pluton Newbits And Clams A List So Insane That Youcan’t Tell Which Ones Are Real And Whichare Made Up Because They’re All Real Ididn’t Make Any Up I Tried To Come Upwith A Dumb Name Than Deep Onion And Itjust Can’t Be Done And Look Not All Ofthese Coins Are Like Bitcoin Just Hopingto Be The Next Currency Often Timesstartup Companies Will Sell A Coin Totry And Raise Money As An Alternative Toissuing Stock And Sometimes Those Coinsare Meant As Tokens To Be Used Forservices That The Startup Mighteventually Provide Kind Of Like Thetokens At Chucky Cheese Only Virtual Andnot Redeemable At A Rat Based Foodemporiumit Has Become Incredibly Easy To Issuecoins So Companies Are Doing It A Lotinitial Coin Offerings Or Icos Raisedover Six Billion Dollars In withone Company Raising Thirty Five Millionin Under seconds Normally Whensomeone Makes That Much Money

That Fastthey Did It By Walking Up To BillO’Reilly Sitting In Silence For Seconds And Then Saying I Recorded Ourphone Calls But But The Vast Majority Ofpeople Buying These Coins Are Not Payingmuch Attention To The Details Of Thestartups They’re Attached To Theatre Isresponding To The Huge Fervor And Thereis A Lot Of It There Was An Entireonline Subculture Of YouTubepersonalities And Subreddits That Have Acult-like Devotion To Buying These Coinsand If You Stumble Into One You’ll Findthey Have A Whole Shorthand One Key Termis Hodel Based On A Misspelling Of Holesthis Is A Foundational Principle Don’tsell When Prices Drop InsteadHodel In The Face Of Food Fearuncertainty And Doubt Otherwise Youmight Miss Out When The Coin Moons Orrockets Up In Value Meaning You’ll Getrekt Or Lose Money And Never Be Able Toafford The Traders Ultimate Goal A Lambowhich Is Short For Lamborghini Becauseof Course It Is And If You Arethinking That These Terms Belong In Arap Video Some Crypto Traders AgreeI Ain’t Got Time For The Haters Man Weabout To Grow To A Milliontell Me How You Down With The Cool AndI’ve Got To Be Honest There It Is Hardnot To Watch That And Deep Down One Tobe In The Hodel Gang Hodel Gang Hodelgang Hodel Gang The Point Is

Many Peopleare Buying Coins For No Reason Otherthan That Other People Are Buying Themand This Mania Has Gotten To The Pointwhere Even A Coin Started As A Completejoke Like Dogecoin Can Rock It Up Invalue It’s Named After An Internet Memethat Was Popular At The Time A Photo Ofshiba Inu With Colorful Comments Writtenin Broken English Around It As You Cansee Now Dodge Coinstotal Market Value Has Almost Doubledsince The Start Of This Year To Over Twobillion Dollars There Appear To Be Noobvious Reasons For This Yeah That’sbecause There Were No Obvious Reasonsthe Whole Point Of The Coin Was To Makefun Of How People Will Buy Anything Andthen People Did Exactly That That Is Noless Ridiculous Than If You Started Ajoke Band After The Beatles Called Thewaffles That Was All St. Bernard’s Andthey Went On To Have number-one Hitsand One Knighted By The Queen This Isclearly Ridiculous But For Investorsit’s Also Potentially

Dangerous Becauseright Now This Market Is Essentially TheWild West And Ripe For Exploitation Forinstance It Can Be Easy To Manipulatethe Value Of Certain Coins Throughthings Like Pump And Dump Schemesregulators Crackdown On Those When Theyhappen With Stocks But They’ve Beenslower To Act In The Crypto Market Andthat May Explain Where Some Groups Havefelt Perfectly Comfortable Postingvideos Like This Welcome To Crypto Callsa Leading Crypto Currency Pump Roomwhere We Skyrocket The Value Of Coinsfor Six Hours At A Time For Informationabout Our Weekly Pumps Including Thethe Point We Are Pumping Follow Ourtelegram Channel Once Released Be Sureto Buy The Coin As Quickly As Possibleand Everyone In The Group Has Purchasedthe Coin We Will Begin Advertising It Toother Investors On Social Media Duringthe Final Hour Outside Investors Willfill Our Orders As They Follow Into Thecoin That We Have Increased In Value To percent

By The Time The -hours Is Up Everyone In Our Group Willhave Sold For Props Crypto Callstogether We Profit Holy It’s Kindof Destabilizing Just A Brazenadvertisement For Something That Youcould Have Sworn Was Illegal It’s Likewatching A Commercial And Hearing Hey Doyou Not Have A Child Do You Wantsomebody Else’s Then Kidnappers Corneris The Group For You Here A Kidnapperscorner We Take Children That Are Notours And Bring Them Home With Us It’seasy-peasy Toddler Cz And Look Pumpkindumps Are Just The Beginning Here Thereare Dodgy Companies Everywhere Some Ofwhich Just Look Like Old School Fraudswith Some Crypto Sauce Poured On Toptake A Bit Connect At One Point It Wasworth Around Three Billion Dollars Nowbig Connect Told Investors That If Theyhanded Over Money They Could Get Returnsas High As % A Month And A Rate Ofreturn That High May Immediately Seemsuspicious To You But Remember Themarket Was Soaring And Picking X Hadexcited Investors Like This Guy Whospoke At One Of The Conferences[Music]let Me Tell You That We Are Reallychanging The World As We Know It Theworld Is Not Anymore The Way Used To Beno No Because[Music]I[Applause]yes The Last Time I Saw Someone Thatirrationally Exuberant About A Majorcommitment He Was

Roughly Seven Yearsaway From Divorcing Katie Holmes Yeah Idon’t Blame Him For Anything There He’sgot A Good Head On His Shoulders Youstay Clear Tommy Stay Clear My Boynow That Man That Man’s Passion Hasbecome Famous In The Crypto World Aswell As His Conviction That The Businesshe Become Involved In Was % Legitthis Was Gonna Be A Scam Again Then Isaid To Myself In Thousand Dossett Dingyou’re Right On Her You Know TaylorOh Women I’m All Right Always Naggingyou Not To Get Sucked Intoget-rich-quick Schemes Leaving Yourmarriage In The State Of Financial Ruinnow This Will Not Surprise You Bigconnect Essentially Collapsed Regulatorsin

Two States Issued Cease And Desistorders And Bit Connection Reporterswho’ve Been Labeled A Ponzi Scheme Bymany In The Industry Something Nobodyhad Any Reason To Suspect From Theirpromotional Material Except That Itfeatured This Actual Illustration Oftheir Bonus System Which Seems To Justbe A Picture Of A Man Coming Up With Theidea For A Pyramid Scheme I Am NOTsaying That Every Crypto Poin Is A Scamjust As I’m Not Saying That Everyblockchain Company Is What I Amsaying Is In A Speculative Mania It Canbe Incredibly Hard To Tell Whichcompanies Are For Real And If You Want Agood Example Of This Just Look At Blockone It’s A Start-up Whose Coin Offeringhas So Far Raised One And A Half Billiondollars Which Will Go Toward Developinga New Type Of Software Project CalledYost Now Just For Context It TookFacebook Seven Years To Raise A Billiondollars From Investors It Took Over Fiveyears Yost Surpassed That In Around Ninemonths And

That Is Despite The Fact TheWall Street Journal Described Block Oneas A Software Startupthat Doesn’t Plan To Sell Any Softwareand Describes What It’s Certainly Adigital Token Is Having No Purpose Andwhile The Company’s Sister Els Will Bethe Most Powerful Infrastructure Fordecentralized Applications Which Theysay Will Be Usable It It Hasn’t Lost Yetso You Sort Of Just Have To Take Theirword For It And They Do Talk A Big Gameeverything Will Be Better Faster Andcheapereverything Will Be More Connectedeverything Will Be More Trustworthyeverything Will Be More Secureeverything That Exists Is No Longergoing To Exist In The Way That It Doestoday Everything In This World Is Aboutto Get Betteroh Please Douche Everything That Existswill No Longer Exist In The Way That Itdoes How The Is Yoast Going Tochange This Iguana How Is How Is A OSgoing To Both Alter And Improve SusanhereSusan Is Enough Now Now That That Sleepycreepy Cowboy From The Future Is NamedBrock Pierce He Began His Careerappearing

In The Mighty Ducks And Ingushes A Gaseous Commercial As A Childwho Turns Into A Bananawell That That Banana Then Got Involvedwith Some Very Unsavory Figures JustGoogle Brock Pierce Scandal Is All I’msaying There And Then He Teamed Up Withyokes To Help Promote Their Not Yet Aproduct He Actually Gave A Speech At Atech Conference Last Fall And I Want Youto Remember As You Listen To Every Wordhe’s About To Say The Company He’sdescribing Has Raised . Billiondollars This Is A Chesty He’d Ruin ThatI’m Wearing Which Is The Logo Of Eos Thechesty He’d Rune Is The Sacredgeometrical Shape Of The Heart And Ifyou’re Gonna Bring A Technology To Theworld That Has The Potential To Changeeverything It’s Good When You Do It Withintention And That Seems Like A Goodplace To Begin This Was My Wedding AtBurning Man Last Yearan Entirely Unicorn Wedding All Thegroomsmen Wear The Color Of The Rainbowplus Pink All The Bridesmaids The Colorof The Rainbow

Plus Pink And My Best Manwas A Woman Dressed In Black Crackingaway Okay Stop Brock Stop Because I Wasalready Out At Chester He Drew And Isimply Refuse To Believe That A Man Whohas The Time To Organize A Unicornwedding At Burning Man Should Be Trustedaround One And A Half Billion Dollars Ifsomeone Turned Up To Mow Your Lawn Andgave You That Exact Speech He Would Tellthem No Way I Don’t Trust You With Mylawn He’s Just Gonna Organize A Warlockquinceanera On It Look Look Here Is Thething At The Start Of This Piece I Saidthat I Didn’t Want To Make Predictionsand Who Knows Maybe Eoqs Is Going To Bethe Next Google I Don’t Think It Is AndI Certainly Don’t Think It Can Be Worthover A Billion Dollars At This Point ButI Could Be Wrong I’m Absolutely Not ButI Could Be The Point Is If You Choose Toinvest In The Cryptocurrency Space Justknow That You’re Not Investing You’regambling Which Is Fine But You Shouldknow That That Is What You’re Doing Andprices Do Go Down Bitcoin Couldeventually Be Worthless Or It Could Beworth Billions And Adopted As A Newglobal Currency Although If That Doeshappen I For One Will Not Experience Itbecause I’ll Be In An Underground Bunkertrying To Avoid Dan’s Smug Little Facefor The Rest Of Time I Hate Your Beltsmore Than Anything Else In That Photothe Important Thing To Remember Here Isthat This Is A Brand New Verycomplicated Space And Literally Nobodyknows How It’s Going To Develop So Youneed To Be Careful And I Know Thatsounds Boringcaution Is A Tough Sell When You’re Upagainst Bit Connect And Hold Or Gapwhich Is Why

I Have Invited A Specialguest To Help Make That Message A Littlemore Exciting[Applause]I Really So Grill Right Now To Be Sayingthis Super Excited Honking Don’t Imaginemy Moment With All Of You Becausetonight We’re Going To Be Talking Aboutokay You’ve Got To Tell Me More Aboutthis Responsibility Did This Mean Ishouldn’t Just Throw Everything I Owninto Cryptocurrencies Now It’s Raionthat’s Right I Shouldn’t Know The Cryptomarket Is Extremely Volatile Andinsufficiently Regulated They Talk Theydon’t If They Pumping Down The Puppet Oftheir Companypopping It And Double It In The W Andtheir Permanent Issue They’ve Opened Upand They Pumping It Dumping They Dumpinga Puff All The Time And They Don’t Yesthat’s Right The Belt Yep Listen Upbeatdesign Chuckle Coins Investing In Cryptocould Be Like Getting In On Google Onthe Ground[Applause]when You Say That That That Soundsabsolutely Great It Could Be Likegetting In On Google Glass On The Groundfloor And That’s What Not To Be And Onestory Did That Was A Single That Was Asingle Story So Let’s Break This Downwhat Is The Big Lesson Never Investanymore That You Are Willing To Lose Andif You Do Don’t Just Blindly Hot Okayinstead You Have To Be Extremely Carefulokay How To Betray Us Todd Playful Game okay

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