Market Trends Upwards Upon Realization Afghanistan Is In The Middle East And We Don’t Give A Fuck

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NYSE TRADING FLOOR, New York – After a blood-red Monday, the market is seemingly has trended upwards upon the realization that Afghanistan, a nation recently taken over by terror group the Taliban is located in the middle east.

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Disclaimer: This is a satirical article.

Talibans In Afghanistan Do Not Pose A Threat To America

“My boss has been telling us to sell all week, thinking these Taliban guys are gonna 9/11 us again or something,” one anonymous Goldman Sachs Junior Analyst told The Stonk Market.

“One of our guys sat down to tell the boss the Taliban are actually in Afghanistan and don’t really pose a threat to America.” he added.

Upon this realization, his boss said “Oh so who gives a shit than? Buy the dip.”

Other big firms likely caught on as SPY futures turned to green on Tuesday evening. Seeking Alpha analysts have a similar bull thesis citing, “COVID is fake and the Taliban are gay,” one Seeking Alpha user said with a WallStreetBets baby profile picture.

This post first appeared on The Stonk Market

Disclaimer: This is a satirical article.