The EV-pegged TulipCoin cryptocurrency rocketed over 800% Tuesday (not a misprint), dominating the cryptocurrency markets as investors flocked to hedge against the sinking fiat currencies by purchasing fiat assets. TulipCoin differentiates itself from the hundreds of alt-coins available by pegging their price to a basket of speculative EV stocks including Tesla (NASDAQ: TSLA) and NIO (NYSE:NIO).
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“We are happy, but not surprised with Tulip’s success” boasted TulipCoin’s CTO Julie Von Dutch, “it’s basics physics; when you take two bubbles and combine them you get one massive bubble. Some people would say this is injecting more risk into the public investment space, but to them we say this time is clearly different.”
TulipCoin's IPO
The coin’s initial public offering was bolstered by Hollywood celebrities who purchased the coin as a status symbol, raising the value which in turn increased interest from the general public.
“When you see Kim [Kardashian] with a TulipCoin image on her Insta, you immediately go to Etsy to see if you can get something similar,” TulipCoin enthusiast Karen White said, “When I realized it wasn’t even a physical object, but instead a limited-edition digital currency I knew I had to have one. Then, I found out that the ‘price only goes up.’ I just had to buy one for each of my closest 15 friends while it was on sale.”
White is not alone. Search data for the term TulipCoin grew exponentially in affluent suburban neighborhoods after its release, often with phrases “does TulipCoin make a purse” and “is it true that John Legend owns TulipCoins?”
TulipCoin is not the first cryptocurrency to hit triple-digit price increases, but it is the first to do so with such a mainstream audience. Famously, Bitcoin hit triple-digit growth rates once drug dealers, ransomware makers, and pedophiles realized they could use the currency to foster illegal transactions. Conversely, TulipCoin is making inroads with people whose most illegal activity is hit-and-runs in the Sam’s Club Parking Lot.
Analysts are baffled with the explosive growth, but recent market surveys show no signs of the “mania” cooling off any time soon.
This post first appeared on The Stonk Market
Disclaimer: This is a satirical article.
