Taliban Suicides Spike as Buyers Remorse Takes Hold, “This Place is a Such Shit Hole”

“It just wasn’t worth it, why did I waste my life as an impoverished freedom fighter when I could have made millions selling opium to infidels.” Taliban Lieutenant Ahmed Abbas tweeted before taking his life. “This place is just such a shit hole,” he continued.

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Taliban Regret Taking Over Afghanistan

Wondering why Allah would have them life in such a shitty homeland, many Taliban are realizing that their lives were better in the caves of Pakistan than Kabul and are overwhelmed with the disappointment. “I wasn’t expecting Disney on Ice or anything when we took over the country, but have you smelled corpses of infidels lining the streets? It sounded great in my prayers, but seriously, this just sucks,” CAPTAIN-TALY posted before live steaming his demise on Facebook.

This post first appeared on The Stonk Market

Disclaimer: This is a satirical article.