The Wicked Old Witch Is Dead

As Coroner I must aver,

I thoroughly examined her.

And she’s not only merely dead,

She’s really most sincerely dead.

Pelosis mental state

DoD photo by U.S. Air Force Staff Sgt. Marianique Santos [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

Those are the immortal lines of the Coroner Munchkin in young Judy Garland’s wonderful 1939 movie, The Wizard of Oz. As luck would have it, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi was born in March of the following year, so it’s possible that her mother saw the movie when she was pregnant.

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And now, some eighty years later, President Donald Trump has graciously cast Ms. Pelosi in his own adaption of this movie classic. Indeed, just the other day he posted a twitter video clip of what might be considered her very true-to-life screentest.

But the day before the release of the video, the president seemed very concerned with Pelosi's mental state. Affectionately calling her “Crazy Nancy,” he confided, “She’s a mess!” and “She’s lost it!”

And yet, Mr. Trump is such a big-hearted and forgiving “extremely stable genius” that he granted the Democrat apparatchik one last chance for the starring role in the movie now playing in his head.

Anyone watching this video would conclude that the wicked old witch was indeed sincerely losing her marbles, and even her ability to speak. What president would want a House Speaker who was almost speechless?

Despite his great desire to respect Ms. Pelosi’s privacy, his responsibility as the leader of his political party required that he pass on this information to his legions of followers.

As he helpfully headlined, "Pelosi Stammers Through Press Conference." Ms. Pelosi certainly did appear to be stammering and slurring her words.”

One could well understand the President’s obvious concern about Ms. Pelosi's mental facilities. But as we all quickly learned, this video, which had first appeared on Fox, had been doctored by slowing down Ms. Pelosi’s delivery by almost seventy-five percent. In other words, the president himself might have labeled it a “fake.”

Mr. Trump, who may spend more executive time watching Fox News than any other American, quickly learned that the video was doctored. So even though he had initially believed it was authentic, he now knew the truth.

Had he been admiring himself in the mirror at that moment, just imagine his reaction as he watched his complexion change from orange to deep red. What should he have done right then and there? Picked up the phone and apologized to Ms. Pelosi?

Caught in a lie – even one that may not have been intentional – a normal person would have apologized. But extremely stable geniuses never have to say they’re sorry. After all, they’re never wrong.

About the Author

Steve Slavin
Steve Slavin has a Ph.D. in economics from NYU, and has written twenty math and economics books, including “The Great American Economy: How Inefficiency Broke It, and What We Can Do to Fix it.” The 12th edition of his introductory economics text came out in September.