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Michelle Jones

Michelle Jones was a television news producer for eight years. She produced the morning news programs for the NBC affiliates in Evansville, Indiana and Huntsville, Alabama and spent a short time at the CBS affiliate in Huntsville. She has experience as a writer and public relations expert for a wide variety of businesses.

  • retiredinboyntonbeach

    Well, Susie thinks they will report a positive surprise, based on her calculations and assumptions. Mervyn thinks they will report a negative surprise, based on HIS calculations and assumptions. Meanwhile, James and Peter think numbers will be “in-line” with expectations (whose expectations? who knows).

    And Susie and Peter expect an announcement of planned increased buy-back activity, while Mervyn and James expect a slowdown of buybacks.

    And SallyAnn thinks they will announce a share dividend (split) into D shares and E shares, with D shares each getting one vote per share and E shares getting zero votes per share. They think that the D and E shares will track identically on the stock market.

    SallyAnn also thinks that Apple will announce a 25% increase in the dividend payout per share, taking it to $7.50 per post-split share, or $1.875 per post-split share per quarter. That’s $15 per pre-split share. Or is it pea-split share? Or is it hair-split share?

    Regardless, Tim Cook has already announced to Apple insiders that he’s getting a new pair of jeans. And there’s a hot new project that’s been leaked, one that Apple geniuses have been working on for a couple of years now: they’re using DNA analysis and solid-state gene cloning to regenerate Michael Rennie, who will be the new spokesperson for Apple iWatches once he’s old enough to fit into that gorgeous outfit he wore in that marvelous 1951 movie (you know the one I mean).

    Gee, I think my reporting is good enough for me to be able to get paid big bucks to publish my article!

    It’s certainly as good as anyone else’s. And maybe even more accurate. :-)

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