Apple Inc. (NASDAQ:AAPL) is being sued because, get this, it makes it too easy for users to view pornography. I’ve got to give a hat tip to CNET’s Chris Matyszczyk, who gives credit to Above the Law for the tip about this ridiculous lawsuit.

Apple

Apple’s “Pornographic Suit”

Tennessee attorney Chris Sevier apparently wants Apple Inc. (NASDAQ:AAPL) to include a porn filter on all of its products. He apparently thinks that the company is too negligent in allowing consumers to use its products to access porn on the Internet. Interestingly enough, he starts off by saying that the plaintiff in the suit “loves Apple” and is “concerned with the welfare of our Nation’s children, while furthering pro-American values.”

After all, when in doubt, plea the good of the children and come up with a sob story about why the plaintiff should win against Apple Inc. (NASDAQ:AAPL) because its products do the same thing every other Internet-accessible device does. Just wait. The sob story’s coming.

The suit urges the tech company to sell its devices “in safe mode” and with a filter to keep out pornographic content. And here comes the sob story.

Apple At Fault For Porn’s Damage?

Sevier said he was a victim of porn and is said that Apple Inc. (NASDAQ:AAPL) didn’t warn him about the damager of porn and the “damage” it causes. He claims he was just trying to get onto Facebook and he just mistyped something and landed on a different site—F***book, as he says. He claims that this little slip “appealed to his biological sensibilities as a male” and caused him to become addicted to porn.

And here’s another kicker (there are so many in this story). Apple should obviously have known that something like this would happen because there are millions of people addicted to pornography all over the world.

“Apple employees know that a man is born full of harmonies and attacked to by women engaging in sexual acts with the intent to cause vicarious arousal.”

As Matyszczyk points out, he may have actually meant “hormones” instead of “harmonies” in that line, but sadly, we may never know.

Apple Blamed For Failed Marriage And Mental Breakdown

And it certainly must be Apple Inc. (NASDAQ:AAPL)’s fault that after “accidentally” stumbling across porn on an Apple device, Sevier began to desire girls who were younger, more beautiful and featured in pornographic videos instead of his wife, who was older than 21.

It just keeps getting better too. The suit claims, “His failed marriage caused the Plaintiff to experience emotional distress to the point of hospitalization. The Plaintiff could no longer tell the difference between Internet pornography and tangible intercourse due to the content he accessed through the Apple products, which failed to provide him with warnings of the dangers of online pornography whatsoever.”

Fill in your own comments here. I’m sure there are plenty of them.

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