Federal Reserve Set To Release New Ads Calling Bears ‘Mentally Ill Homosexuals’ To Curb Market Selling

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The Federal Reserve is looking for new, innovative ways to keep the American economy booming without printing even more money. In a board meeting each Federal Chairman proposed an idea that would be voted on.

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Disclaimer: This is a satirical article.

The Federal Reserve's New Plan To Curb Market Selling

A few popular runner ups included making USD a cryptocurrency, giving every American between the ages of 13-24 a free share of AMC but were ultimately passed on. The idea with the most votes was to release a promotional campaign calling bears, those who are short the market or a stock mentally ill homosexuals. The Federal Reserves hopes these ads will encourage more buying than selling pressure causing a infinite loop of unlimited market gains.

“Nobody wants the reputation of a mentally ill homosexual.” Chairman Powell said, “With these new ads we hope that we can push SPY over $500 by EOY. If growth isn’t as fast as expected, we will resume printing more money.”

This post first appeared on The Stonk Market


Disclaimer: This is a satirical article.