Federal Reserve Set To Release New Ads Calling Bears ‘Mentally Ill Homosexuals’ To Curb Market Selling

Published on

The Federal Reserve is looking for new, innovative ways to keep the American economy booming without printing even more money. In a board meeting each Federal Chairman proposed an idea that would be voted on.

Get The Full Walter Schloss Series in PDF

Get the entire 10-part series on Walter Schloss in PDF. Save it to your desktop, read it on your tablet, or email to your colleagues.

Q2 2021 hedge fund letters, conferences and more

Disclaimer: This is a satirical article.

The Federal Reserve's New Plan To Curb Market Selling

A few popular runner ups included making USD a cryptocurrency, giving every American between the ages of 13-24 a free share of AMC but were ultimately passed on. The idea with the most votes was to release a promotional campaign calling bears, those who are short the market or a stock mentally ill homosexuals. The Federal Reserves hopes these ads will encourage more buying than selling pressure causing a infinite loop of unlimited market gains.

“Nobody wants the reputation of a mentally ill homosexual.” Chairman Powell said, “With these new ads we hope that we can push SPY over $500 by EOY. If growth isn’t as fast as expected, we will resume printing more money.”

This post first appeared on The Stonk Market

Disclaimer: This is a satirical article.