Simon Parkes, British City Councilman, Claims Alien Contact And Child

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For those who have watched British Parliament proceedings in either the House of Commons or House of Lords it’s quite clear that their politicians are considerably more fun than their American counterparts. The ridiculously well-mannered ribbing of rivals can make better comedy than the BBC on occasion.

Simon Parkes, British City Councilman, Claims Alien Contact And Child

After recently reading this story, It’s clear that Labour politicians also have more fun with aliens than most American council members.

Simon Parkes’ Issues with Zarka

Married father-of-three Simon Parkes, who represents Stakesby on the Whitby Town Council, has recently admitted to fighting with his wife over his child Zarka, the child he sired with an alien whom he simply refers to as The Cat Queen.

“What will happen is that we will hold hands and I will say ‘I’m ready’ and then the technology I don’t understand will take us up to a craft orbiting the earth,” he explained.

“My wife found out about it and was very unhappy, clearly. That caused a few problems, but it is not on a human level, so I don’t see it as wrong.”

While I’m aware that some don’t view infidelity as cheating if the partner is not in the same state or country, this is certainly taking that to a new level.

Simon Parkes claims that in no way does this affect his work as either or a counselor or a driving instructor, but if your driving instructor spends the bulk of his time looking up to the sky rather than on the road one could argue that this is simply not the case.

It’s also quite possible that Simon Parkes doesn’t believe he has betrayed his wife due to the fact that his own mother is a nine-foot tall alien with eight fingers.

“I can understand how you would say that because you have not seen anything yourself and that’s your immediate fallback position, but you come and spend some time with me and follow me around for a day and you will actually walk away shaking your head because you will think actually he’s not mad,” he recently stated in a documentary for Channel 4.

Simon Parkes, I’m going to contradict you right there, I’m quite comfortable in your vernacular saying to you now, before I spend a day with you, “No, you’re a right nutter.”

“I think I am fairly clear in my head that I am being monitored [by aliens] very closely and if there is anything that’s seriously about to happen or does happen then I am fairly confident in my own mind that they will intervene, they have in the past.”

I’m not certain about alien intervention, but you could certainly use a less extra-terrestrial, more traditional intervention with a straightjacket.

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About the Author

Brendan Byrne
While studying economics, Brendan found himself comfortably falling down the rabbit hole of restaurant work, ultimately opening a consulting business and working as a private wine buyer. On a whim, he moved to China, and in his first week following a triumphant pub quiz victory, he found himself bleeding on the floor based on his arrogance. The same man who put him there offered him a job lecturing for the University of Wales in various sister universities throughout the Middle Kingdom. While primarily lecturing in descriptive and comparative statistics, Brendan simultaneously earned an Msc in Banking and International Finance from the University of Wales-Bangor. He's presently doing something he hates, respecting French people. Well, two, his wife and her mother in the lovely town of Antigua, Guatemala. To contact Brendan or give him an exclusive, please contact him at [email protected]

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