When you write for a website that focuses on value investing and value investors, you can imagine my surprise when for the third time in a week I’ve found myself typing the name Dennis Rodman. “The Worm” seems to be everywhere. Thankfully, “the fewer declarative statements a man makes, the less apt he is to look foolish in retrospect.” Mr. Rodman’s doubly declarative insistence about the next Pope, “He will be black, he will be black,” coupled with his piercings, leave him looking foolish. Additionally, I’m comfortable that Mr. Rodman won’t be mentioned by me in the coming weeks.

Denis Rodman

I’m also comfortable with saying, while I didn’t think this possible, that Argentinians and especially Portenos (citizens of Buenos Aires) will become even more arrogant. Beyond the fact that most are just born that way, they also have Lionel Messi. Now they have a Pope AND Lionel Messi and this comes just a day after an incredible showing by the latter against AC Milan in the Champions League? Que Putas.

I would sooner have Dennis Rodman saying “I told you so” for a few days, to say nothing of a better choice for the Papacy, then a bunch of Italians who speak Spanish who think they are British living in Paris (Argentines) strutting around further. But they will.

As you dance in the streets tonight following “your victory” please remember that 93% of you call yourselves Catholic yet this Pope of “yours” as Cardinal of Buenos Aires saw annual church attendance drop below 10%. Whereas Rodman’s choice has seen his flocks flood to mass and you are the worst dancers in all of Latin America,.

As a Catholic, a few more quick questions for the new Argy Pope:

I trust it’s OK for me to have steak rather than fish this Friday during Lent? It seems to be all you eat.

Given the state of the Vatican Bank, you are aware that the higher inflation number is not like a soccer score? The lower number is actually better.

May I comfortably break the law and the Ten Commandments between the hours of 2-6PM assuming both you and God will be having a siesta?

You will still be doing the Christmas Mass in Latin? I speak Spanish, don’t speak Latin but figure I understand Latin better than the bastardization of Spanish you call a language.

And one for the 115 voting Cardinals that just gave us Pope Francis I…..

Would it be the worst thing to pick a Pope that didn’t immediately raise the question of Nazi complicity?

I’m not saying that Benedict XVI wasn’t forced to join the Hitler Youth before later deserting the German Army nor am I suggesting that Argentina was the only country that offered hundreds(?) of Nazi’s refuge following WWII….but come on already. Just sayin’