Virgin Galactic Developing Missile Technology to Shoot Down Bezos’ Aircraft

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Virgin Galactic Holdings Inc (NYSE:SPCE) jumped over 20% in after hours after it said it is developing missile technology to shoot down Bezo’s aircraft. “We have developed a bomb that will take Bezo’s out for good,” Branson stated, looking stoned as usual. “Not only have we developed these technologies but we have also took all of Virgin’s excess cash and dropped it all into a massive short position on Amazon.

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Investors Predict Virgin Galactic Will Go Up

Investors bid up Virgin Galactic to nose bleed levels following the missile technology report. “Armed warfare is incredibly bullish for stocks,” Brad Coffman stated. “An all out war between billionaires is sign stocks will go 5,000% higher.”

This post first appeared on The Stonk Market

Disclaimer: This is a satirical article.