Jim Cramer Reveals He Does No Research On His Stock Picks

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CNBC phenom and Mad Money host Jim Cramer, recently revealed on his live television he does not research the stocks he pumps to his viewers, instead he has developed a system of throwing darts at trending stocks and IPO’s and “makes up reasons that should make sense” as to why they can go up or down.

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Disclaimer: This is a satirical article.

Cramer's System For Picking Stock Is Yet To Fail

Cramer said this system is yet to fail and has given him an 80% positive stock pick return. When asked how long he has been doing this Cramer simply replied “My whole career. I wasn’t a good hedge fund manager, I just was a hedge fund manager.”

One angry boomer who found out this shocking news managed to create a Twitter account to complain stating:

“Mr. Cramer, I have been watching your show for over a decade. I have based my retirement account stock picks around yours, to hear this is extremely disheartening. I was hoping to retire by 65 but this news scares me.”

To which Cramer simply replied “buy CoinBase

This post first appeared on The Stonk Market


Disclaimer: This is a satirical article.