Bill Gross Compares Sneeze to Orgasm In Blog Post

Bill Gross Compares Sneeze to Orgasm In Blog Post
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The “cat man” is at it again.  After publishing an ode to his gender bending cat named Bob, which he buried in his back yard, Pimco chief Bill Gross is now using his corporate blog to compare a sneeze to an orgasm.

A sneeze is half erotic

“A sneeze is, to be candid, sort of half erotic, a release of pressure that feels oh so good either before or just after the Achoo!” Bill Gross observed, as he engaged in a rather detailed comparison of the subject matter.

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“The air, along with 100,000 germs, comes shooting out of your nose faster than a race car at the Indy 500,” he said, describing a feeling that could be used to describe an orgasm as well. “It feels sooooo good that people used to sneeze on purpose,” which is similar to having sex without the goal of procreation.

His generation used “snuff” not “stuff” up his nose

“They’d use snuff and stick it up their nose; the tobacco high and the resultant nasal explosion being the fashion of the times,” he wrote, as he began to make apparent oblique references to casual sex and potential drug use of a more modern generation which he doesn’t identify with.  “ Healthier than some of the stuff people stick up their nose these days I suppose, but then that’s a generational thing. My generation is closer to the snuff than that other stuff.”

“One of the problems with sneezing though is that there can be an embarrassing aftermath,” which can also be true of sex. “People in the old days used to carry around handkerchiefs for just that purpose, but now nobody carries a handkerchief. As a substitute you could walk around all day with toilet paper in your pocket, but then you’d stand accused of being a bumpkin and people would probably be right,” Bill Gross observed. “So usually sneezers just let it rip, cover with their hand, and pray there’s nothing visible behind it. If there is, there might be a pocket to wipe away the evidence, at least for guys like me. Ladies? Their outfits are obviously less sneeze proof. So they need to pray harder.”  I’ve had dates that can be described in similar fashion.

Bill Gross’ previous blog post ode to his cat

In his previous blog post, Bill Gross mourned the death of his female cat, “Bob,” as we noted in ValueWalk.  “There is a tragic end to all living things: They stop living,” he wrote in a corporate blog post. Bill Gross had a deeply personal connection with his cat. “Aside from sleeping, Bob loved nothing more than to follow me from room to room making sure I was OK. It got to be a little much at times, especially when entering and exiting the shower.  Why was a female cat named Bob checking me out all the time?” Bill Gross wrote, asking the question on the mind of many.  “Her obsession carried over to the TV, sensing when I was on CNBC and paying apt attention no less.  Bob provided Gross advice on stock picking, but apparently his/her advice in regards to interest rate turning points might have been a little less accurate.

Then Gross entered a gender-bending realm. “I don’t think she minded having a boy’s name, at least she never mentioned it,” he wrote, while disclosing he brought home the feline after attending his third cat show in as many months.

Gross did eventually address serious economic topics in his blog post, mostly dealing with interest rates.  Interesting to note it is Pimco’s alternative investment funds that have been outperforming in the family as of late, a point of debate with former employee Mohamed el-Erian, as we reported in ValueWalk.

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Mark Melin is an alternative investment practitioner whose specialty is recognizing a trading program’s strategy and mapping it to a market environment and performance driver. He provides analysis of managed futures investment performance and commentary regarding related managed futures market environment. A portfolio and industry consultant, he was an adjunct instructor in managed futures at Northwestern University / Chicago and has written or edited three books, including High Performance Managed Futures (Wiley 2010) and The Chicago Board of Trade’s Handbook of Futures and Options (McGraw-Hill 2008). Mark was director of the managed futures division at Alaron Trading until they were acquired by Peregrine Financial Group in 2009, where he was a registered associated person (National Futures Association NFA ID#: 0348336). Mark has also worked as a Commodity Trading Advisor himself, trading a short volatility options portfolio across the yield curve, and was an independent consultant to various broker dealers and futures exchanges, including OneChicago, the single stock futures exchange, and the Chicago Board of Trade. He is also Editor, Opalesque Futures Intelligence and Editor, Opalesque Futures Strategies. - Contact: Mmelin(at)

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