College Student Convinced He’s The Next Warren Buffett After Reading The Intelligent Investor

CONNECTICUT – Jordan Ellison, 20, convinced himself over the summer he will become the next Warren Buffett after reading The Intelligent Investor.  “It’s highly likely I will become the next Warren Buffett,” Jordan stated.  “I’m already halfway through The Intelligent Investor the second time and and will likely read it one more time before summer is over.”

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College Student May Drop Out To Be The Next Warren Buffett

Jordan claims he will be dropping out of college to pursue his passion of investing.  “I found out about the markets three months ago and already read One Up Wall Street.  I also read The Motley Fool everyday.  I’m a great capital allocator and plan to launch my own hedge fund next month.”

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Jordan manages $750 dollars in his Robinhood account he saved up mowing lawns over the summer.  “I own a fractional share of Tesla, Google, Netflix and Facebook.  I’d say I’m one of the best capital allocators of our time.”

Over the next few months Jordan plans write for Seeking Alpha, listen to numerous investing podcasts and attempt to read Security Analysis.

When asked how he picks his stocks Jordan said he just looks low P/E ratio stocks on Yahoo Finance.  “I’m not sure what a discounted cash flow is.  I just look at low P/E stocks and read Wall Street Bets.”

This satire article first appeared on The Stonk Market.