Drug Banned Sharapova Off To Harvard Business

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Maria Sharapova, the tennis superstar currently serving a two year ban from the sport for doping offenses, is headed to Harvard Business School.

Sharapova to take two-week course

On Saturday, the Russian posted a picture on her Twitter and Facebook accounts of her sitting next to a sign for the school, accompanied by a message saying, “Not sure how this happened but Hey Harvard! Can’t wait to start the program!”

Max Eisenbud, the agent of the 29-year-old former world number one, confirmed that Sharapova had enrolled in a two-week course at the prestigious business school. There have been no comments about what classes or courses she will be taking, nor any information on what certification she may achieve. It was confirmed that she will be attending classes on campus though, she will not be doing the course remotely.

There has been no comment from Harvard Business School about their famous new student.

Maria Sharapova – Doping ban

Sharapova is currently appealing her ban, handed down from the International Tennis Federation. She tested positive in January at Australian Open for the substance meldonium. This substance was only prohibited from the begging of 2016 and she claims she didn’t know it had been added to the banned substances list, despite a number of emails and announcements from both the tennis world and WADA, the World Anti Doping Association.

She claims she took the substance because of a family history of heart problems and diabetes.

Maria Sharapova – Business interests

Sharapova was born in Nyagan, Russia but has been a US citizen since 1994. While famous for her tennis, her interest in business is not something new. For many years she has earned more money from outside interests, especially endorsements, than she has from tennis. For the last ten years Forbes has consistently ranked her as the highest earning female sportsperson in the world.

Sharapova has a line of candies called Sugarpova. In 2013, it was reported that she asked to change her entry name in the US Open to Sugarpova, but this was rejected by tennis officials. It is expected that she is looking to extend this to include a number of lifestyle products too.

A two year ban for any professional sportsperson is always going to be difficult. While I have no sympathy for her, she broke the rules and must pay the consequences, she is to be applauded for trying to make the most of her time away from the court.

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About the Author

Brendan Byrne
While studying economics, Brendan found himself comfortably falling down the rabbit hole of restaurant work, ultimately opening a consulting business and working as a private wine buyer. On a whim, he moved to China, and in his first week following a triumphant pub quiz victory, he found himself bleeding on the floor based on his arrogance. The same man who put him there offered him a job lecturing for the University of Wales in various sister universities throughout the Middle Kingdom. While primarily lecturing in descriptive and comparative statistics, Brendan simultaneously earned an Msc in Banking and International Finance from the University of Wales-Bangor. He's presently doing something he hates, respecting French people. Well, two, his wife and her mother in the lovely town of Antigua, Guatemala. To contact Brendan or give him an exclusive, please contact him at theflask@gmail.com

1 Comment on "Drug Banned Sharapova Off To Harvard Business"

  1. Arshad Sherif, M.A., M.Ed. | Jun 28, 2016, 5:22 pm at 5:22 pm |

    In accepting Maria Sharapova into its highly acclaimed business school, Harvard has dropped a notch or two from the high esteem in which it was held. Maria Sharapova was, for a relatively brief time, an international tennis star. But she quickly used her tennis stardom to become a model and an international sex symbol. She is certainly not known for her brain power.

    It is not that Maria Sharapova doesn’t have a college degree: She doesn’t even have a high school diploma. She has been in tennis ever since her little hands could hold a tennis racket. And it is only for a very short time in her life that this 6’2″ sex symbol had hands that were little.

    Her fingers are sexy. Her hands are sexy. Everything about Maria Sharapova is sexy.

    She won Wimbledon at the age of 17 and so she didn’t live the life of a normal adolescent. She never went through regular schooling. Not even basic schooling. For her to win Wimbledon at the age of 17, tennis had to become her entire life around the age that a normal girl begins her first full day of school.

    But for Maria Sharapova it was precisely the time that she began her tennis journey. As well as the journey into beauty and sexiness. But no man obsessed with her beauty when she was that age would ever admit it. Surely she still remembers the glances of men who looked at her inappropriately. When she was far too little to be looked at that way.

    Now that she is 29, no one has any problem admitting that she is sexy and beautiful. But her intense sexuality doesn’t just bring men to their knees. It brings Harvard to its knees.

    And that is why it is indeed a sad day for Harvard. Harvard has succumbed to the beauty of Maria Sharapova. Just like any man is bound at some point to succumb to the beauty of Maria Sharapova.

    Maria Sharapova desires to make herself part of Harvard. And Harvard was too weak to say no. Too aroused to say no. Too erect to say no.

    Harvard is behaving like a man with a powerful sex drive. Harvard is behaving like a man who hasn’t ejaculated for a long time. Harvard is obsessed with Maria Sharapova.

    How else can you explain the admittance of Maria Sharapova to the Harvard Business School? Yes, it is true that it is not the MBA program that she will be pursuing. Nor is it a regular four-year undergraduate program. She will be pursuing an executive program that is of a very short duration. Harvard has a number of these short-duration executive programs that last from one week to several weeks.

    Before we get into the problem for Harvard, let us first mention two problems for Maria Sharapova. First, the entire world now knows that her doping appeal, the legal appeal that she said she was pursuing, is a complete fabrication. Maria Sharapova has been banned for two years by the International Tennis Federation and to get the suspension overturned she has appealed to the Court of Arbitration for Sport in Switzerland. If she was pursuing that appeal with any sincerity, she would have waited for a verdict on her appeal, which is expected around July 18, before embarking on a course of study. The job of the lawyer that she has hired is exactly the opposite of what we have been led to believe. His job is to make sure that the outcome of the appeal comes down firmly against his client. It is her intention to retire. Maria Sharapova wants to retire from tennis by way of suspension.

    The other problem for Maria Sharapova is that she is fraudulently making everyone believe that she will be pursuing a serious academic program. The first thought that would come to the mind of the intelligent person when he sees her tweet or her Facebook post about Harvard Business School, as well as the accompanying photo, is that she will be pursuing an MBA program.

    But we must forgive her. She is a beautiful female athlete suffering from the awful stigma of being uneducated. They don’t come any shallower than Maria Sharapova.

    The problem for Harvard is that they are admitting a gorgeous beauty who sounds thoroughly uneducated every time she opens her mouth. She is as sexy as can be when she talks, but every time you listen to her you wonder whether she can write a complete sentence, or whether she can read or understand an entire paragraph.

    Certainly not any paragraph in any Harvard business textbook. She is clearly far from ready to pursue a course of study at Harvard. Even an executive program. There is little doubt that even these short executive programs have a college degree as a prerequisite. And Maria Sharapova doesn’t even have a high school diploma.

    Harvard has clearly decided that her exceptional beauty more than makes up for her lack of prerequisites. At Harvard, there are no previous educational requirements when the applicant is as beautiful as Maria Sharapova. Harvard certainly knows beauty when it sees it.

    It appears that Harvard has its fair share of the male professor who will readily sign the required paperwork that allows a beautiful girl to register for his class without having the prerequisites for the class. No male professor has ever had too many girls who are willing to undress. For some strange reason, there is never enough girls who are willing to get their grade for the course by getting laid. No professor ever complains of too many college women wanting to do an “A for a lay.”

    Nor is it a money issue for Harvard. Harvard didn’t admit Maria Sharapova because it wants her money. Harvard doesn’t need Maria Sharapova’s money. The Harvard Business School has an annual endowment that is over three billion dollars.

    Harvard never runs after students. That’s until it saw Maria Sharapova.

    And that’s because Maria Sharapova has a lot more to offer than money. And now we see that it is not just men who have testosterone. The lifeless rock-solid walls of Harvard are overflowing with testosterone. Testosterone that has been brought to the boiling point by one very beautiful athlete. The gorgeous and sexy Maria Sharapova has given the lifeless red bricks of Harvard a rock-solid erection.

    Harvard has succumbed to the intense beauty of Maria Sharapova. The red bricks that make up the walls of Harvard are held together by a white sticky substance. It was thought to be cement. But Maria Sharapova has proven that it is not. Because that white sticky substance is reacting to Maria Sharapova in a big way. Maria Sharapova knows all about that white sticky substance. She knows how to get it hot. And she knows how to get it to overflow. She is a sex symbol. The sticky white substance that holds tight the brick walls of Harvard is starting to melt. It is melting under heat. The heat and beauty of Maria Sharapova.

    The benefits to Harvard are clear. The Harvard Business School has a faculty of 200. Harvard wants to keep its faculty happy so that they remain at Harvard. Adding money to their salary is never enough inducement because the business faculty is largely comprised of men and women who have made their mark on the business world and are already wealthy. Others make more money by their expert consulting activity. So money is not an issue for the Harvard business faculty.

    If Harvard wants to keep and recruit the best possible faculty it has to be innovative in its non-monetary inducement. Now it has Maria Sharapova. She will provide enough inducement for its present faculty to stay. And for prospective faculty to come.

    Surely having Maria Sharapova in his class is a great honor for any faculty member. But experiencing her in the flesh is even more of an inducement. An inducement to stay. And for others, an inducement to come.

    And so Maria Sharapova will be there just long enough to sleep with every single member of the Harvard business faculty. Yes, both men and woman. It is not just men who desire this woman. Every woman on the faculty would surely want to experience the joy of bedding Maria Sharapova. The distinguished female members of the faulty want to go down on Maria Sharapova. And they want Maria Sharapova to return the favor.

    The Harvard male faculty would surely want to experience the buttocks of Maria Sharapova. Highly accomplished men are known to have a powerful sex drive. And every member of the Harvard male faculty wants to go deep inside the buttocks of Maria Sharapova. They would love to experience her bottom in all the various ways in which her bottom can be experienced. Surely for the taller men they want her standing up with her back to them. In front of a mirror they would be able to see the agony on her face as her tight Russian buttocks are slowly conquered. And in the mirror she will see the look on their faces as they reach complete ecstasy. Surely she will feel a sudden wetness as her Russian bottom gets filled up.

    Her luxurious bottom is like the gas tank of her expensive Porsche. Both get filled to the top.

    The genius of the Harvard recruiters is that they asked themselves a very simple question: Would having sex with Maria Sharapova be enough of an inducement to keep our best faculty?

    They arrived at the right answer. If anyone has ever wondered what Maria Sharapova will be doing with her time after tennis, the answer is now clear: She will be sleeping with all 200 members of the Harvard business faculty. One at a time.

    An interesting question is how many she can do in one day. I would say three men and two women. Women take longer.

    So she needs to be at Harvard for about six weeks. Some of their executive programs run for about that length of time. And although several news accounts have said that she will be at Harvard for two weeks, her stay at Harvard could be quite a bit longer if she is happy at Harvard. And if Harvard is happy with her.

    What I find fascinating is that neither her agent, Max Eisenbud, nor Harvard are saying whether she will be getting a certificate at the end of the two weeks. So we have an internationally renowned woman attending an internationally renowned university and no one is saying whether she will be getting any certification at the end of her studies. Even a regular person attending some garbage university knows what kind of trashy certificate he’ll be walking away with. But the Harvard press relations people have been completely silent about Maria Sharapova. They are taking the Fifth.

    This is the beginning of a long and mutually satisfying relationship between Harvard and Maria Sharapova. She will release the tension inside the intensely driven members of the Harvard faculty. And they will do the same for her. If they are satisfied with what she has to offer, she will be back. She will be back for more education. And she will be back for higher degrees. Maria Sharapova would love to get an MBA from Harvard. And she would love to get her Ph.D. from Harvard.

    So if you think now that Maria Sharapova sounds utterly uneducated, if you feel that she is the perfect example of the dumb blonde, how does “Dr. Maria Sharapova” sound to you?

    Maria Sharapova and Harvard Business School is a union made in heaven. Surely that’s how the Harvard faculty sees it. It is a relationship that will last a long time. Harvard has much to offer Maria Sharapova. It has executive programs. It has an MBA. It has a Ph.D. Education is something that Maria Sharapova has a desperate need for right now. At 29, she suddenly realizes that tennis has robed her of so much. She can forgive tennis for just about everything it has taken from her. Except one thing: education.

    In return, Maria Sharapova has much to offer Harvard. Surely the Harvard faculty will have a magnificent time with her. She has so much to offer the academic man. So much to offer the academic woman. Not that Harvard doesn’t already have its share of beautiful young women in the classroom. But in the university’s long and distinguished history, no member of the Harvard faculty has ever taken to bed a student as hot as Maria Sharapova. Or reached with his student a climax of the intensity that Maria Sharapova can deliver.

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