EP69: HOW TO WIN FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE

Published on Feb 8, 2016

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0:07we study billionaires in this episode 69 of the investors podcast when testing
0:13from Bel Air Maryland
0:15this
0:16investors podcast
0:21read the books in summarize the lessons the waters tell you when it’s cold will
0:26give you double investing strategies your host Preston Parrish and staying
0:32brodersen hey how’s everybody doing out there this presentation I’m your host
0:39for the investors bought and is usually accompanied by Michael those out in
0:44Denmark today we’ve got a book that we’re gonna be talking about it’s a book
0:48that we’ve mentioned a lot on the show in the name of the book is how to win
0:51friends and influence people by Dale Carnegie so this is one of Warren
0:56Buffett’s favor books of all time and I think if you asked Warren Buffett with
1:01one of the most important books he’s ever read in this life I’d be willing to
1:06bet this would probably be one of the top of his list he talks about this book
1:10alot you know if you went into his office and Jillian who had on the show
1:14probably I don’t know six months ago while back
1:18Gillian said that when you go into his office and you look at all the stuff
1:21that he has hanging up on the wall he really only has two things as a picture
1:24of his father and he has a certificate graduating from the Carnegie course
1:30which is really what this book is all about
1:33so it’s it’s interesting he didn’t have his diplomas from where he went to
1:37college or anything like that he had a certificate from graduating from the
1:40Dale Carnegie course so this book he hands down is everything that people say
1:46it is because I know the first time I read this book I was just totally
1:50floored it was saying things that you know when you really like you know what
1:56this is just good sound advice that everyone should be something that
2:00everyone in high school reads if you haven’t read this you need to read this
2:05book I promise you need to read this book in the best way to do it go onto
2:09our articles linked you can download it for free and this could be the first
2:12book that you read for free audible so we highly recommend this book before we
2:17start talking about the book here I want to help people little bit of a mistake I
2:20made last night and this is embarrassing but I think it’s something that I need
2:24to talk about
2:25and steaks smiling because he knows what I’m gonna say so last night in everyone
2:31knows we’re putting together this Berkshire Hathaway shareholders get
2:34together and at the end of April when it goes into the first of May and you know
2:40we sent out a message to all the people on our subscriber list when we emailed
2:43out our last copy of our executive summary at the bottom I said hey if you
2:47want to go to the berkshire meeting here’s a link for you sign up so that we
2:50know who you are and whether you’re going or not so we had a lot of people
2:55sign up couple hundred people signed up to go to this is going to be like that
3:00we’re gonna have so much fun out there folks like if you had signed up and you
3:03do want to get this thing please sign up it’s going to be a blast that anyway so
3:07I’m getting ready to email the group of people that signed up to go out there in
3:12a tape up this email and I send it out and I selected send it to this list of a
3:17couple hundred people well I make a massive mistake and I send it out to
3:22almost everybody on our subscription list for the book summaries and
3:26everything else if this thing goes out there like tens of thousands of people
3:29and if you’re one of those people when you’re listening to the show I am so
3:33sorry I did not mean to send email to you in just under your inbox I think
3:39he’s you guys haven’t noticed I’m not sending you an email and less there’s a
3:44reason for it unless I just absolutely make a mistake like I did last night so
3:49I just want everybody to know that I want people to be aware that I did not
3:53send that on purpose it was an accident and I apologize and I will try to work
3:57harder to be a little bit more detail oriented so that I don’t clutter your
4:00Inbox a message like that but for the people that are going I hope that it was
4:04beneficial because it lays out all the ways that you can attend the
4:07shareholders meeting by getting your credentials in where we’re staying in
4:10this one to talk about that my royal blunder of last night because I got a
4:16lot of email responses from people and they’re saying I’m not going to the
4:19meeting and I totally understand why you sent those so one to get that out of the
4:23way and I want to go ahead and start talking about this book so I got a
4:28question for you what was the very first thing you thought after you completed
4:31this book you put it down was the overall feeling you
4:35after reading this I think the first they really are predominant feeling
4:38ahead is that this book is going to change my life and I know that it almost
4:44sounds like yes but for me to read about us and this is one of the two books that
4:50has really changed my life so for instance people which were doing today
4:54but also change your thinking change your life by Brian Tracy and I do wanna
4:59say like this whole episode about being in this purpose the most fantastic thing
5:03ever written but i think is also a question about are you ready for the
5:08book I’m reading too he took the advice that you get from the book and when I
5:13was reading this book was probably four years ago I read the book the first time
5:16I was probably for the first time in my life
5:19ready to read the book because the book is really also just throwing a lot of
5:24things in your face like if you were talking to people like this bad things
5:28probably happen to you if you talk to people like that good things will happen
5:31to you and I can just feel how many things how many mistakes that I made
5:35connecting with other people so it was really a very emotional experience for
5:41me to be reading this book and I can definitely see why this is Warren
5:45Buffett’s favorite books and funny enough is resting saying this is not
5:48about investing at all this is about personal relationships and my take is
5:53that this book has been just as important for Buffett as saving the
5:57master because this book taught him how to interact with other people and you
6:01can be successful in business without being used with other people I think at
6:05the end of the day if you’re in a position like Buffett and your leader in
6:09business you’re in the room making deals and a lot of the times in order to make
6:14great deals it has to be a win-win situation it has to be orchestrated with
6:18greed social skills and I think that’s what this book is really taught Warren
6:22Buffett also the course that he attended now whenever I was done with it remember
6:26just kind of putting it down and thinking how was amazing it was a great
6:29book but now the hard part of like actually implementing this stuff because
6:34reading it in a green with it is one thing but then actually putting it into
6:38practice in
6:39and executing this is a lot harder than it sounds at least I think it is now as
6:44you try out these habits and you keep doing this if that’s what it turns into
6:48is a habit and it turns into just kind of a way of life were person and that’s
6:53why i would tell people you’re going to read this book once but you’ll
6:55definitely probably read it again because you’re going to try to remember
6:59and continue to implement these things as you go along so let’s go and died in
7:03just a sec by part so the very first part he talks about is fundamental
7:08techniques in handling people and to start off he provides us really great
7:13story he is an awesome story about Al Capone and other criminals and their
7:18inability or unwillingness to blame themselves for anything that they had
7:22done wrong all those people are not criminals in that part doesn’t really
7:26relate to them I think he uses this is an extreme example to share their
7:30incapacity to criticize themself in in really good through this
7:34self-improvement and I think that he starts off with this because this is so
7:39foundational to a person’s growth if you’re not willing to accept
7:44responsibility for something that bad that happens to you or you’re not real
7:48good receiving criticism you have to start their you can’t even begin to
7:53touch some of these other subjects until that becomes a way of life for you so
7:58I’ve mentioned a few times on the show that I went to a military academy at
8:02west point in up there that you learned that lesson really really fast your
8:07whole first year is just it’s it’s quite humorous because there’s nothing you can
8:13do right now you’re constantly being told all the different things you do
8:16wrong and some of it is just ridiculous at times which you come to an
8:20appreciation of this idea that you always look at yourself first before you
8:26place the blame anywhere else you know somebody might come up to me when I was
8:30in the hall as a freshman in you know pish why did you do this and it be like
8:34no excuse sir that’s the first response no matter what is no excuse and then
8:38it’s you know your friend went out and did XYZ yes sir that is my fault it
8:43whether it is or is not
8:45you just immediately have his opinion this response that everything and
8:50anything is your responsibility and when you have that kind of beat India had for
8:56an entire year strain really the next three years were like that to you when
9:00you have that beating your head you really start to view the world through a
9:03different lens of always taking responsibility for yourself and I think
9:07that that’s what he’s getting with about in this first part of the book is you
9:12have to be of that mindset before you can even go anywhere else yeah nothing
9:16is a really good point that you have about criticism because as soon as we
9:20start sue Chris I saw that he was just saying we are not taking full
9:24responsibility for ourselves and I think one of the problems at least I know this
9:28from personal experience but also see this with my students for instance if
9:31something is not their fault they just sit back and just stop criticizing and
9:37that’s probably the worst thing you can do and you might be thinking well it’s
9:40not my fault why should I take responsibility but if you let this to a
9:45work situation basically what I see is that there’s three things you can do
9:49something goes wrong or something goes against you
9:53first will you can change it that might not be possible then you can change your
9:56job that’s kind of extreme but you can’t do that or you probably should just
10:01accept it so that’s the third option and I think the whole acceptance instead of
10:06criticizing is probably one of the most valuable advice from this book because
10:10once you start to accept things as the art especially if you can change them
10:14then you’ll probably also realized that they are not that big of a problem after
10:18all so I read this article in this is probably five to 10 years ago is really
10:24long time ago and I keep searching for it on the net and I can not find the
10:29reference of this article but it really had an enormous impact on the way I saw
10:33things and in the article it was written by a psychologist allan California I
10:39can’t remember any of the names because this was a while ago but this
10:42psychologist was talking about that they dealt with these hardcore criminals like
10:48guys that were just straight evil and what was the common thread amongst these
10:53men that were locked up there were just the evil as human beings you could ever
10:58face and you know what the comment the more the thread was between all of them
11:02none of them had any empathy at all for other people they had no ability to to
11:10step outside of their own way of seeing things and try to understand life from
11:17another person’s perspective that was the common thread that the psychologist
11:21came up with and you know ever since I read that I was like so let me just let
11:26that on its head
11:27you know me do the Charlie Munger here in Denver so if I become a very
11:31empathetic person
11:33and I try to always understand things from the other person’s perspective
11:36instead of my own wouldn’t that make me just an exceptional person instead of a
11:41person that needs to be behind bars and the Eagles person on the planet and so I
11:45just kind of inverted and I thought about I think about this this article I
11:49read so much because it’s such a profound idea of empathy in trying to
11:54understand things from another person’s perspective to let me take this a step
11:57further so there’s these studies that I know we’re getting kind of off the topic
12:00here the book but a lot of the stuff relates back to the book so there’s a
12:04test that they do for intelligence on animals it’s called the mir test and
12:09they say that you can you know judge animals intelligence by their ability to
12:14recognize themselves in the mirror so like a dolphin can recognize itself in a
12:18mere some pets can it really depends on the animal and all those animals that
12:22can recognize themselves in the mirror that they can recognize oneself in the
12:27world they are higher and intellectual bean so when you think about that step
12:32of I don’t even know who I am I know who I am not only do I know who I am but I
12:38understand that other person too and I understand what they’re thinking about
12:41and I can kind of feel and understand the context and how they see the world
12:45to see you can see that progress of intelligence and so what I think
12:49whenever I think about it of an intelligent person a person it really is
12:54an empathetic in a person who can see things from a context of multiple people
12:58call at 5:10 people’s opinions and a person sitting over there I can
13:03empathize with that person I can see why maybe they’re upset in my opinion that’s
13:07a very very intelligent person cuz they’re seeing the world from just such
13:10a broader context but I know we kind of went off on a tangent there I think it
13:15does relate to some of the stuff we talking here is along so let’s keep on
13:19moving in the second section of part 1 he talks about this big secret and this
13:25big secret is there is only one way to get somebody to do something and he says
13:30it’s the make the person want to do it and I think Kristen considerations of
13:36what you just said the whole concept of appreciating other people is really
13:40something you should pay attention to and if I might also ask you so
13:46could you give me a reason why you shouldnt appreciate in other people’s do
13:50something good like I could challenge the world and I hope no one could come
13:54up with an answer right because why shouldn’t you tell other people that
13:58were doing is good and I don’t think you can do it too much
14:02well as it has to be since you’re like you shouldn’t flattered but you should
14:06be able to give sincere appreciation to all the people and a bit and really can
14:10see any downside for doing it and if I have to relate to what you said trust in
14:14the forest that is one of the leaders best ways of motivating people because
14:17money will only take you this far and it doesn’t have to be related to business
14:21is also relevant all types of relationships think it’s a function of
14:26genuine real gratitude and I think in order to have genuine real gratitude you
14:34have to be a person that sees things from a context that’s outside of your
14:39own domain you have to see it from the other person’s vantage point so let’s
14:43say you have a support and they just completed something that was really a
14:46lot of work for them if the superior can’t step out of his own skin and see
14:50things from that subordinates point of view as far as them working hard and all
14:55everything that they had to do in order to do that how can they have any type of
14:58gratitude towards their worker true genuine appreciation for it and so I
15:03think it really goes back to that underlying theme and I think that’s why
15:06starts off the book the way he did is because it has such a layering effect if
15:11you can’t see things from outside that perspective you’re not going to be able
15:14to have that gratitude and appreciation and respect for the other people as you
15:19move forward and then the last thing and eerily talks about in the section is
15:22this desire to you like you have importance in the world so he makes the
15:28statement that everybody
15:30everybody on this earth right now has this desire to feel some type of
15:36importance you know whenever you just look at sticking out like we get our
15:40level of importance they’re doing like the show right here like I feel
15:44important because I do the show and I’m able to help people with finance or
15:47investing or whatever that’s where I get my my desire as I absolutely have that
15:52same desire and I’m sure that if you are driving down your car you’re in your car
15:57right now you’re thinking yeah i i agree with that I what what is that thing for
16:02you though there’s something out there that you need to feel like you’re
16:05important for something and you know what when a person stops feeling like
16:09they’re important that’s when they really go into this deep depression type
16:13state because they don’t feel like they have anything to add to the world
16:17and so understanding that idea that concept it’s amazing how much you can do
16:22to help out other people by making them feel important and a genuine way not
16:26doing it you know just totally fake but you have to do it in a genuine way
16:30because when you do that that’s really the core fundamental thing here is
16:34everybody should be able to feel important about something and when you
16:39go after then you try to assist that desire in another person it’s amazing
16:44what you’ll get in return ok so let’s go ahead and move into the second part of
16:47the book and the second part of the book is six principles to make people like
16:52you so I’m sure a lot of people in here some of these ok so principle one become
16:58genuinely interested in other people so this he talks about you know just I
17:03think one of the most important things you can do is just listen to a person
17:06when you listen to person and you just sit down and you can tell that the
17:11person that’s talking to you can tell that you have genuine interest in what
17:15they’re talking about you’re not sitting there on your smartphone like typing
17:18messages they’re talking ok that’s not genuine interest in what the person’s
17:21this is like I’m gonna put the cell phone down I’m not gonna look or think
17:26about anything else imma look this person I am i listen what they’re saying
17:30it be actively engaged in what they’re saying yeah and this is also the second
17:34this is definitely before Facebook but this is also the section where he’s
17:38talking about how he’s riding people’s birthdays down so you always remember
17:42them so they will make an important and he’s talking about the French become a
17:47friend and in consideration this is just want to say that tomorrow is Christmas
17:51birthday and it’s not because of Facebook that I know that well so what’s
17:56really funny is I don’t even remember that tomorrow is my birthday
18:00nice wow that was amazing I’m impressed I see now when I think about that you
18:06can see how well this works as I just looked like wow that is he’s a really
18:10good friend so the thing that’s important here in this idea of listening
18:19to people is really the sincerity piece is your intent gain in me and I’m big on
18:25intentions lake for me there’s nothing bigger than talking about the
18:28of something so if your intent is a peer intention because you really do want to
18:33get to know the person they’re gonna sense that they’re gonna know it was
18:36your intention is to manipulate them to make them think that your friends
18:40they’re gonna sense that too if there’s one thing I’ve learned in life people
18:44can sniff out an intention faster than anything on the planet
18:48ok so if you are not paying attention to your intentions you’re gonna have some
18:53bad repercussions in a fall out of it and i also have another saying I tell my
18:57kids this all the time I talked about this week too much with them but I don’t
19:01really share this with the podcast usually talking about you know equities
19:05in stocks and intrinsic values it’s the fuck thats my opinion is that intentions
19:10work like boomerangs intentions have to be tied to an action so every single
19:15action where you actually do something there’s an intention tied to that action
19:20and I look at intentions and actions just like you would say I’m gonna really
19:24geeked out on you hear when you talk about a force you have mass times
19:28acceleration mass times acceleration creates a force and so my opinion is
19:33that your mass and acceleration in life is your intention in your action when
19:38you combine those two together you create a comedic type event that is your
19:44intentions a bad one and you have an accent I do it it’s going to come back
19:47to you like a boomerang and it’s going to have something something bad that
19:52happens to you and it’s not dependent on time
19:54time it could happen ten years from now can happen in 10 seconds from now I
19:59consciously think about that and any type of action that I take because if my
20:04intention is bad
20:06I fully expect that to come back to me in a bad manner and so I’m not going to
20:10go down that path much more cuz I can’t talk about that for probably an entire
20:13episode that idea but I’ll tell you folks that has fundamental idea
20:18something that I hold so close that I think about so often is this idea of
20:22combining action with intention and thinking about the consequences on
20:26potentially creating because if I have a bad intention its gonna come back to me
20:31principal 3 says we remember that a person’s name is the sweetest and most
20:37important sound in any language yes in my situation again story always refer
20:44this to choosing and I don’t know if me saying people’s name is the most
20:49beautiful thing they were hurt but I can definitely see why this is usual for me
20:54and for them I get quite a few names need to learn and I have made their
20:59important to me to learn people’s names really really fast so basically what it
21:04do whenever I get a list with people’s names also get picture of them is that I
21:07would go home and then I would spend hours learning people’s names and you
21:12might think that I want to spend time on that why should I prepare the curriculum
21:16and whatnot but I just quickly figured out that is really really hard for me to
21:21teach my students with these two know if I don’t know their names and you know it
21:26might seem weird because again by but is really Christian of for them to pair I
21:32need and if I keep saying hey you in the red sweater or do with the half of
21:38whatever I would you have a really hard time connecting with my students and I
21:41don’t think you can really connect with another person if you don’t know their
21:45name because it just becomes too impersonal in my opinion so he provide
21:50the story in the book that’s just outstanding on this one and I love this
21:53story I don’t remember ever talked about this on the pockets but I’m gonna
21:57mention it again in case I didn’t so Andrew Carnegie whenever he was younger
22:02he wanted to have some rabbits and pet rabbits
22:05and he implemented the power of a person’s name and so he didn’t want to
22:11have to take care of these rabbits because he didn’t want to go out there
22:13and feed them and everything but he wanted the opportunity to go and hold
22:16them and pet them whenever he wanted but he didn’t have to do all the dirty work
22:19of cleaning up after them I believe the story goes cuz I read this a long time
22:23ago I believe the story goes there was three neighbor girls that live next the
22:28injured and the three girls obviously like the rabbit stew in so Karunanidhi
22:34work the deal with the three girls and he said I am going to name each one of
22:40these rabbits after you
22:42but if I do that you have to take care of the rabbits and three girls that’s
22:48also my gosh you know they were all excited that they were going to have the
22:52depth to them and so he did that he named each rabbit after each of the
22:57girls and in the end he didn’t have to take care of the rabbits the rabbits he
23:02went out there play with him when he wanted but he never had to clean up
23:05after him because he implemented the power of using a person’s name for
23:09something and I think it talks about later on he was working some big deal
23:14when he was selling the company and it was between I can’t remember who was it
23:18was another powerhouse name during that era but he couldn’t come to the
23:22agreement on a final deal as far as the price that they were gonna be paying and
23:26everything and then carnegie remembered this lesson he learned at a very young
23:30age in any case you know we will name the company after you my name will be
23:35second or even being in the titling and that’s what enabled him to close out the
23:40deal no more money or anything he did use the persons so if you don’t think a
23:45person’s name is important and I really liked 6.2 as far as in the classroom
23:49because most students vantage point if you don’t know their name their opinion
23:52is that your two different plane you’re not at their level they’re not important
23:56you are important and that’s really what you’re conveying it something like that
23:59you’re basically saying you’re not even important enough for me to know your
24:03name
24:04and that’s again a you can’t step out and understand it from the other
24:08person’s vantage point that’s how you think as a teacher and you just done yet
24:13and it’s not only Christian about like how we speak to each other is also on
24:17Monday it’s also about how you email each other so I would get a ton of
24:21emails from people and some of them would be like sent me this sector
24:25summaries thanks and you know I would never ever responds to a question like
24:30that or a demand like that but like in case they like your podcast I’m really
24:36curious about the sector summaries would you mind sending me a link as I can find
24:40them aside and I would be happy to do that and like when I think about is like
24:43it’s kind of the same thing but it’s not because he’s using the names of the
24:47action in those who a.m. he’s creating a connection and he is saying you doing a
24:52good job so immediate I feel like I need to see p 8:00 tonight action instead of
24:57just saying oh I can just put that in my spam filter or whatnot so against not
25:02just I was featured sellers actually also how we interact
25:05email or in general yeah that’s kind of a funny point is I get a lot of the same
25:09messages summer just like you can tell people have respect for what you do for
25:15their disrespectful of your time and then you get other people that old
25:18saying something like to send me this now
25:21like not only no but delete ya know it’s it’s very true it’s it’s amazing how
25:28just the context of how you can write or that you can speak to people
25:33the response you get is just so drastically different and this is also
25:37something I really thought about it after interviewing a guy Spier because
25:41the guy he was talking about how should you interact with people that you like
25:46and how she don’t like because you can also be very confrontational if you
25:51really have to tell people what to think about them especially if you don’t like
25:54them and what he’s saying is that well you should probably respond longer
25:59respond better faster to people that you want to attract in your life and you
26:04might not want to respond spew that you don’t try you live so whenever I have an
26:09inquiry along with the other and
26:10don’t find a respectful I might not don’t answer it but even if they do I
26:15also emphasized that just between the lines that we should probably not
26:19continue with this type of relationship but on the other hand whenever I can
26:23acquire for someone who really respect my time and like what I do and seemed
26:28interested in me that’s a connection investor relationship I want to keep
26:32building on so also think about that when you communicate with the people who
26:36do you want to be a part of your life
26:39all rights of principle for we already kinda hit on this one and that is being
26:42a good listener and he provides fantastic for each one of these things
26:46is the thing that I think I like about the book most disease not just preaching
26:50it kinda like what we’re doing on the podcast he’s providing like really good
26:53thoughtful examples and stories to represent the idea to use so it is
26:59really easy reading and in the stories he provides are really fun and
27:03interesting so we’re just kind of cutting rates to the meat of what he’s
27:06trying to say but when you read the book I’m telling you it is just a fantastic
27:10representation of each of these ideas so principle for being a good listener and
27:15I think we kinda hit on a lot of the major points that we’re gonna move along
27:19so we can keep things going
27:20principal 5 talk in terms of the other person’s interests so I believe in the
27:25book and again I’ve read this quite a while ago but in the book he provides an
27:30example of a letter and he writes the letter into different context the first
27:36context is in terms of the letter writers interest the other one is in
27:41terms of the person that he’s writing to his interests and when you read the
27:45letters in the comparison it’s it’s borderline hilarious because you can see
27:49how people actually get what they want when they talk in terms of the other
27:52person the letter for remember it was something like he was trying to get this
27:57other person that do something for him so in the original letter that he writes
28:01it something like I need this and I need this because and it was all for his own
28:06self-interest reasons when he rewrote the letter he started off with mister so
28:12and so you know it’s such a pleasure to be working with a company like yours cuz
28:16you guys are always on time and what I’m writing this letter because I wanna
28:20afforded the opportunity maybe Bennett
28:22from something that is in your interest then he explains this letter and when
28:27you read that the comparison between the two
28:30it’s just amazing to see how well crafted and how well thought out the
28:35second one is in it all revolves around this idea of thinking about the other
28:40person’s vantage point first before your own and he talks in terms of the other
28:44person’s interest so I use this all the time and I don’t use it for a malevolent
28:51cause I use it because it is mutually beneficial because it is a win-win and
28:56how I use it is whenever i right people to come onto our show I often talk about
29:01how it will benefit them first opposed to you know how to benefit me or
29:07necessarily our audience and so whenever you think about how you could use this
29:11in your daily life or interaction or written correspondence either one of
29:16those two always try to think in the other person’s terms before your own and
29:21you’ll be amazed at how much you’re able to shape and influence that what you
29:25want to get but also make sure that it also ships and influences with the other
29:29person wants and what they need to get as well and when you have that win win
29:32that’s when you’re really going to have success so let’s go ahead and go to the
29:36six principal which is make the other person feel important and most
29:40importantly you gotta do it sincerely if it is sincere in somebody is talking
29:45about something that you have a genuine interest in its amazing how much of a
29:49bond you can establish with a person quickly because you’re talking about
29:53something that they enjoy or the day like yet and I think that the whole
29:58process of asking people for the advice is really powerful and why is a powerful
30:04well because of the concept that were just talking about here and that you’re
30:07making the other person feel important you would not ask another person about
30:11their opinion if you didn’t think they’re they’re important so you know to
30:15me it’s kind of strange I still have problem asking other people not the sole
30:20opinion but their advice because sometimes a few well that makes me look
30:24stupid but they’re probably willing to help you to feel empowered by jus asking
30:29them
30:30this is the very foundation for creating it a good relationship they have both
30:34prosper from so the book after goes through these different principles then
30:38it shifts into the third part in the book is broken into four parts so the
30:42book shifts into the third part and then the title of the third parties how to
30:45win people to your way of thinking and it really gets into this deep
30:49philosophical discussion of is it right to criticize other people and I think a
30:54lot of people out there will absolutely say yeah you gotta tell people when they
30:59do something wrong and I agree with that but I think the manner in which you tell
31:04people that they’re doing something wrong is what makes all the difference
31:07in the world so instead of using examples from the book I want to talk
31:11about
31:11discussion that I had with a family member so one of my family members works
31:16at a golf course and they cut the grass they they cut all the greens and all
31:22that kind of stuff and there’s times when those persons out there and they’re
31:25cutting grass and they come across the Gulf for this just completely you know
31:30basically destroying the golf course and so he was telling me this story and he
31:34said you know any talk about I guess somebody had carne like granite like up
31:39on the green and just like kept going something really ridiculous something
31:43that you don’t do in a golf course is so he told me he said I went over there and
31:47I just I gave it to my left hand and he just told me how you basically lambasted
31:52this person and so after he was done telling me this story I said to him I
31:57said well what was your in state what were you trying to accomplish with that
32:02and he’s kinda looked at me kinda like confused like what do you mean what was
32:06my answer I was trying to make sure this guy was never gonna do that again and
32:09destroy him and I said well the most important thing you can do an exchange
32:14is to ask yourself first what is it that I want to get out of this will he didn’t
32:19want him to drive the golf cart up on the green again and he wanted him to be
32:22respectful of the course so what’s the best way that you can get a person to do
32:27that well you gotta make the person understand things from your vantage
32:30point but you gotta do it in a manner that is respectful and thoughtful so if
32:36you think about that scenario and you think about well if I would go up to
32:40this person after they just drove the golf cart across it and you yell and
32:44scream at him his first thing is the person’s exchange back is gonna be
32:48immediately in defensive mode then be like I’m not listen to you who are you
32:51anyway and just the exchange immediately goes off in the wrong direction and
32:56you’re not accomplishing your and state you wanted him to not do that again to
32:59learn a lesson so what you’re actually doing when you’re yelling at them are
33:03your having this major confrontations you’re doing the exact opposite of what
33:07your intention and what your end state that you wanted to achieve and say you
33:11got a really think about that when you’re having these interactions and so
33:15think about it from this context let’s say that my family member would have
33:18gone up to this person and said hey sir you know I hope you’re having a great
33:22day golf and I’m sorry but I i wanna talk to you about something that is
33:25really important to me I’m out here in countries ranging and I’ll tell you I
33:30put in eight hours a day really trying to make this golf course look beautiful
33:34and I don’t mean to criticize you but whenever you drive your golf cart up on
33:39the green it’ll leave this rut and it’ll make it hard for other golfers to come
33:42after you to put over that surface because it won’t be an even surface
33:46because the golf cart so heavy if you could just really try to be cognizant of
33:51that as you go on the rest of the course you know it’ll it’ll help me out
33:55tremendously know how about the golfers behind you and if you have a
33:58conversation that’s cool calm collective awful you have a reason behind it it’s
34:04amazing you accomplish your end state you would get exactly what it is that
34:08you’re trying to achieve
34:10chief can you do it and you know what the guy would look at you like I like
34:13that guy he was nice you know and I think that’s something that is so
34:18insanely hard to do because a lot of the times you’re acting on your ego yeah I’m
34:26also thinking this in months her terms right I can’t help myself and if you
34:30think about this in lunch churches like thing about this person will probably
34:34quit or at least his productivity will be very very low and you might need to
34:38replace him anyway so as for assessing you don’t gain anything well you might
34:43get some kind of satisfaction the next five minutes or something like that but
34:46in the long run it’s just a very very bad way of managing your relationships
34:51and I think perhaps the one thing that person’s family member perhaps did right
34:57or if these didn’t do wrong in this situation was that he likely didn’t do
35:01it in front of all the people people off know when the wrong and you don’t have
35:06to be harsh on them and especially don’t have to do it in front of other people
35:10because especially if your superior it can feel like a humiliation of that
35:14person if you’re doing for other people because the person made mistake during
35:18his boss for instance so like he can’t really tell you anything back and that
35:23like he might forget what you have been saying but you will never ever forget
35:27how you made him feel I think that’s something we should all consider when
35:31interacting with other people I love that comments that my ends lou has a
35:36quote that goes along those lines of people you know ten twenty thirty years
35:40from now will not remember what was said they will forget the words completely
35:44but the one thing that people will never forget is how you make them feel and I
35:49think that that is such a profound idea so let’s go into the last section this
35:53is part 4 and its title B leader out a change people without giving offence or
35:59arousing resentment and so the example in this section they talk about Charles
36:04Schwab so this is what we had written down so call attention to people’s
36:08mistakes indirectly what would a thoughtful leader do
36:12if he were to find polly smoking directly under a new smoking sign that
36:16says Charles Schwab found himself in precisely this situation instead of
36:20belittling his workers he approached them offered them a cigar and kindly
36:26requested that they enjoy it outside and according to Charles Schwab he earned
36:31their respect of his workers by giving them a little present and making them
36:35feel important while enforcing the rules in an indirect manner it so that’s the
36:38thing sometimes you can get exactly what you want and you know some of these
36:42leaders in some of these people that get exactly what they want they are so
36:46smooth and they do it in an indirect manner and where they’re respectful of
36:51the people that you know are working for them are working along side them they’re
36:57respectful them and they they see it from their vantage point they know that
37:00they want to smoke even though that they can’t directly empathize with it they
37:03have respect for the people and then they just kinda just put their little
37:07twist on there to get what it is that they wanted to do the right thing and I
37:10think that when you think about it they had ideas we did in doing the right
37:13thing and you know what when you challenge people to do the right thing
37:18and you do it in a manner that is respectful and they will do the right
37:22thing and you know what in the end you’ll gain your respect to and that’s
37:25what he’s really getting at with this so stick that you have any points for
37:29anything to add to that last part of the book
37:32well I think the whole idea of asking questions instead of giving orders I
37:37think that was something that I really like one of these samples that come up
37:42with here in this book is that he’s saying if your production manager and
37:46you want to increase your production but you can say two employees is that while
37:50we need to increase production now and I need you to stop working harder now
37:55instead he is saying why don’t you ask the need to increase production what are
37:59the different ways we can go about it like your message comes through just as
38:04powerful probably even more and again you have your employees chipping in with
38:08the best ideas and since they are handling the production of the day to
38:11day basis the probability a deal and you have and they will feel this ownership
38:15that is so important for all the users to have employees that have
38:19so whenever I was a company commander back in the day one of my big things
38:24that i would tell the gentleman that I had the total pleasure of leading had
38:29some of the absolute best soldiers that work for me but sometimes they would
38:34come into my office and they would have a problem I think this is something that
38:38anybody in a leadership position can empathize with you have employees they
38:41come in they bring your problems the one of the most important ways that that I
38:46finally discovered on how to get everybody involved in the process was
38:51this is somebody brought me a problem we would further define what the problem
38:54was sometimes they might have their into the story and not have some other
38:58aspects from maybe my vantage point or other people’s means that we have
39:02further define the problem after we completely defined the problem I would
39:07look at the person and I would say okay so I think we both understand the
39:10context of the problem so what are three courses of action to solve that problem
39:16and a lot of the times a person look at me and be like white on though that’s
39:20why I came to you and how I would totally flipped on its side and I’d say
39:24well I want you to think about it I want you to come back to me with what the
39:28three courses of action are to solve this problem there’s three ways to solve
39:32it I don’t know what they are but I want you to solve the problem
39:36three different ways and come back to me with what those courses of action are so
39:40you know couple hours later the person will come back and say well we could do
39:42this we could do that we could do this thing over here and I say you know what
39:47I like the second one
39:48let’s do that and you know what you’re gonna be the primary person execute the
39:52course of action so if you need my help if you need me to get other resources
39:56for you in order to accomplish that is let me now which is the primary PUC in
40:00order to execute course of action number two now let’s move out like stick said
40:04there’s ownership there’s by their thinking of creative solutions a lot of
40:09the times a person working down at the lowest level has the most information in
40:13the most details about how to solve the problem and so what does the generates
40:18this conversation I had this same most people in the world are problem identify
40:23errors their creative identifying problems they can identify him for days
40:27and days on end very few people are problem solvers and so I tried to do is
40:34a leader was always try to read as many problem solvers as I could within an
40:39organization and when you do that you do it in an indirect way and you you do it
40:43in a manner that is conducive in productive to the entire organization I
40:48just have to ask you
40:49Preston how you came up with this solution because I just read a book
40:52about Google and apparently this is corporate policies that to bring a
40:56problem to a bus at Google you have to bring a solution to them so I’m just
41:00thinking is it kinda like this peril Google+ tempests universal with us if
41:06there’s anything I know in life it’s not because I originated in myself I promise
41:11you that it’s cuz I read it somewhere or somebody else taught it to me in in this
41:15case somebody else’s taught it to me
41:16ok but it’s really profound I mean I’ve whenever I heard that in the book is
41:21like how could that nothing over this before because I have so many problems
41:25brought some medium like you know running around trying to figure out like
41:28but the answer is and noms arm to ask well what do you think we should do
41:32about it and that often accompany better solution than than I would anyway and so
41:37it’s beneficial now I will say this sometimes you can have some downside
41:42risk if you will help Yahoo implementing this this way of interacting with your
41:47subordinates in the downside is if you get people that bring your problems
41:51before and you basically made them solve it you made them execute the solution
41:56they might be hesitant to bring more problems in the future and so it’s
42:01important that is there may be in the way that I would go about making sure
42:05that they would continue to bring me problems because that’s important you
42:08need to know that as a leader that’s how he know what’s happening within your
42:11organization would I would try to do as I would try to to partake in participate
42:15in the solution or somehow in any way that I could show them that they’ve got
42:20my full support and how much I appreciated them actually solving the
42:24problem it’s just really kind of how you handle it you can’t be just you brought
42:30me this problem and you gonna give me the solution and now you’re gonna solve
42:33it you know you got that approach it goes back to you in 10 you come back to
42:36that approach it’s gonna be disasters you gonna be that leader in your
42:40organization that doesn’t know any of the problems in the organization has no
42:43unless the bring them to you cuz they know how you’re going to handle it but I
42:47think if you do it in a delicate and respectful and and and show appreciation
42:50and gratitude for what they’re doing
42:53you’re gonna have people bring your problems all the time and solutions
42:56alright so that really concluded we got a little bit off on a tangent there in a
43:00couple different spots but I think it’s really important to highlight some of
43:03these things which are really getting at is how to be a great leader and how to
43:07work with other people really well and you know I can’t speak highly enough of
43:12this book I really do think that this is one of those books that is a mandatory
43:15read for people I think there should be building to everyone’s curriculum across
43:19the country that’s really all I have is that you have anything else you want to
43:23add them all said I can definitely also just recommend this to anyone not only
43:28the leaders on the leadership but it’s not so much carbon leadership as also
43:34personal leadership and that is perhaps even more important so definitely read
43:39this book
43:40ok so if you’ve noticed we haven’t played a lot of questions from the
43:43audience lately and today we’re not gonna play when either but we’re gonna
43:47do in the future episodes gonna be coming up we’re gonna play about five
43:50questions from the members of our audience to please continue to go to ask
43:53the investors dot com record your questions there will play them on the
43:57show we’re gonna send out a bunch of books that people are coming up so we we
44:01play a lot of the different questions where we also talked about the current
44:04market conditions as it continues to evolve really interesting in the market
44:09right now it’s getting pretty crazy also want to just highlight once again if you
44:13want to read this book are you want to listen to this book on audible use our
44:16link on our website to download how to win friends and influence people you can
44:20listen to that book completely for free if you use are linked as you get your
44:23first book for free if you use the link from the investors podcast website also
44:27sign up on our email us we’re gonna send out think it’s a six page executive
44:30summary of how to win friends and influence people that captures all the
44:34things we talked about today it’s a great outline I personally print off
44:38every one of our executive summaries and I stick it inside the book after I’m
44:41done so that I can quickly access and pull out the information from each of
44:45the books that we read and I recommend people do the same so if you sign up on
44:49our email list we don’t send any spam unless I send you an accidental message
44:53messages night which I am deeply sorry for I really am so sorry folks so that’s
44:58really all we have are you guys this week and we hope you guys enjoyed this
45:01episode and we’ll see you guys next week
45:03thanks for listening to the investors bought gas to listen to more shows or
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How to Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie