We may soon see ads from hedge fund(s) once again, if you were waiting for that. The SEC is meeting next week on July 10, to hold a vote on lifting the ban on advertising to potential investors. If approved, the new regulation will allow hedge funds and other entities to solicit investments from wealthy clients through ads and emails. Below you will find our ideas for catchy ads for hedge funds that could do wonders for their business.

Herbalife hedge funds

The bill, which is expected to be approved on Wednesday, gives added protections against scams targeting innocent investors. The revised bill, which has been under deliberation for over an year now, will not allow convicted felons and lawbreakers from advertising in private placements to not-so-wealthy customers. So Madoff, Todd Newman and taser-loving Raj Rajaratnam can forget their dreams of using their good name for advertising purposes.

We have a lot of great ideas or wishful thoughts on what all our favorite hedgies would, could or should say in their ads—although it is highly unlikely that we will get to see those promotions, unless we land some serious amount of sophisticated cash.  Here are a few suggested taglines:

Paul Singer- Elliott Management

Have Argentina Banned Forever. Invest Like Vultures! Have Pirates of the Caribbean come to life before your eyes when you take a cruise on our new naval ship.

Whitney Tilson- Kase Capital

Invest With Kase, or Don’t. Greenlight Capital and Pershing Square would do just as well.

Carl Icahn- Icahn Enterprises

Every company is underpriced, Especially the one I Bought 10% of Today. I don’t remember the name but the management can’t do math and is delusional.

Bill Ackman- Pershing Square

Carl Icahn actually likes Herbalife shakes. How can anyone trust a hedge fund manager who likes THAT?

John Paulson- Paulson & Co.

Full Disclosure: Paulson & Co. Invests In Assets Other Than Gold, DO NOT read any news about the Gold Fund, it is simply a figment of your imagination.

Bernie Madoff

I promise it is not a Ponzi scheme, we really do return EXACTLY 12 percent every year even by buying options which don’t exist.

Silchester International Investors

Invest in our hedge fund or we will sue you even though our letters don’t have any useful info.

Steve Cohen- SAC Capital

Want to own 5.1 percent of every company in America? If so, you found the right place.

Kyle Bass- Hayman Capital

Avoid macro-tourism investors at all costs! Unless of course it’s with Hayman Capital 

John Burbank-Passport Capital

Saudi Arabian equities, Saudi Arabian equities, Saudi Arabian equities!

Seth Klarman- Baupost Group

Invest in Baupost and we will prove to you Ben Bernanke is really Lucifer.

Ray Dalio- Bridgewater Associates

For every $500 million you invest, you will receive half an hour meditation session from our founder, Ray Dalio.

Tiger Global

We are accepting of all investors, just don’t mention the name Chase Coleman or you will be banned for life.

Lansdowne Partners

We will short EVERY single company in the world for our clients.

Brevan Howard

The trend is NOT your friend.

George Soros

The rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated


And to cap it all…

Every hedge fund in the world

Invest with us and you get to short the Japanese yen exclusively, all for a small fee of 2/20.


 Jacob Wolinksy (@jacobwolinsky) contributed to this post.