I’ve never struggled with erectile dysfunction. Does that mean I’ve not taken a Viagra on occasion? It does not. I think on the (large) handful of occasions that one of those little blue pills (or their knockoffs) have passed my lips on their way to a targeted area of my bloodstream the reason for their ingestion was three (maybe four) fold:

viagra

  • I once left Argentina for the last time fully “in love” with someone I had only kissed. Nearly a year later, I received a call that said she was on her way from nearly 7,000 miles away. I was all sorts of nervous as she got closer, I felt I would need a drink or six to relax upon her arrival, and didn’t want anticipation of the sought sex to give my friend stage fright (no, not her). I don’t know if it was necessary but not unlike trapeze artists, it’s nice to have a net.
  • I lost a bar bet and was obligated to put on some small pants and take three, so I could be the subject of ridicule.
  • I wanted to be a character in a Judd Apatow movie who finds himself speaking of his erection that wouldn’t go away with someone in Bangalore faking an American accent.
  • I thought it was Aleve which I take each day. My roommate’s girlfriend left a bit unsatisfied that night.

As of Monday, in an arrangement with CVS/pharmacy, Pfizer will allow patients in the United States with a valid prescription for Viagra to fill their order through the new Web site, where the sentence “Buy real Viagra” is featured prominently.

I know, I’ve seen “Buy real Viagra” featured prominently in my spam folder on Gmail as well.

Viagra is a massive seller for Pfizer with sales of over $2 billion in 2012. The problem is the company is certain this should have been $2.5 billion.

Matthew J. Bassiur, vice president of Pfizer Global Security, said in a statement that the company had seen counterfeit medicines manufactured “in filthy and deplorable conditions, yet some people do not realize the risks that this poses to their health and safety, our top priority.” He added that samples of counterfeit Viagra tested by Pfizer labs had contained “pesticides, wallboard, commercial paint and printer ink.”

“These findings,” Mr. Bassiur said, “motivate us to continue our aggressive global efforts to stop those who prey on unsuspecting patients.”

I appreciate Pfizer looking out for me, but wallboard is exactly what many men are after when they buy the “little blue pill.” Pesticides a little less depending on where you met her and printer ink….never.